Creepy Looks and Cafeteria Food
by Zaelriel
Summary: I am an average immature teenager with nothing exceptional about me except maybe my vocabulary.  I'm opinionated, obnoxious and overweight.  The new school year has begun and I've acquired a stalker of sorts that keeps giving me creepy looks. AU, OOC, ExB
1. Chapter 1  Hot Dogs

I don't own Twilight, but you probably already knew that. If intent on suing me for any form of copyright, know that all you'll receive in the end is an overweight cat named Gizmo. If you're going to review, be kind or constructive. Those that flame will surely go to Hell and be forced to watch rick-roll Youtube videos for eternity. I suppose if that's your thing, flame away. Who am I to judge?

* * *

Chapter 1

I'm not sure why he started showing an interest in me. I'm not what you would consider attractive even in the broadest sense of the term. I am smart, but not overly intelligent. I am most definitely overweight and the thought of climbing a flight of stairs makes my chest tighten in advance. The lack of money in my bank account is no incentive and that a majority of the time my clothing is covered in a thin coating of cat hair does not add to my charm.

When I first noticed him watching me, I was eating a hot dog in the school cafeteria. I am well aware that the food was of questionable quality, but some days you just really don't give a shit that mystery meat may not actually contain any actual meat. I had overslept that morning and in my mad dash to get to school on time, I left my lunch sitting on the breakfast table. So there I was, eating something that was most likely not good for me and too tired to care.

I had only looked up from my tray, because Tyler and Mike were having a game of spitball at their table and a stray one landed on the chair across from me. Despite my general apathy towards my surroundings, I couldn't ignore it and reached across the table with a napkin to swipe the nasty bugger away. As I sat back down, I looked across the room and noticed Edward looking at me with a strange expression on his face. It was a mix between fascination and disgust. I looked down quickly at my clothing and saw nothing amiss. I double-checked that he was still staring, found that he was, sighed a deep sigh, grabbed my bag and my half-eaten lunch and threw the remains in the garbage on my way out of the room.

I make no excuses for myself, but I'll be damned if I'll sit there like some sideshow act. If you like me, great. If you don't like me, oh well. Its not easy, but living with that attitude has helped me coast through high school's social feeding frenzy despite being unpopular. No one really picks on me which means my life is far easier than most students, but every now and then someone decides to push the boundaries and see if they can set me off. I assumed Edward was bored and saw me as something to help past the time.

Edward is attractive, but the way the girls at school act around him confuses me. The school population is on the low side which means the choice of boyfriends that don't have facial warts is limited. I understand that concept and recognize wanting to have something pretty to look at while sucking face. What I don't understand is the length some of the girls go to to snag these boys, especially Edward. The cat fights that break out over him are pathetic and quite honestly serve only as amusement to those of us watching.

I heard that Edward dates, but as far as I know he's never had a steady girlfriend. I wonder at times if he does this to encourage the insanity and secretly enjoys the cat fights more than the girls themselves. He could be a closet homo-sexual. He's certainly pretty enough and I read somewhere that the reason many men go gay is because they fall in love with their own form. For some reason that doesn't stick with me, but I have fun making up little stories in my head about how he and Coach Clapp have an illicit affair that can only be announced after he graduates. Pathetic, but it helps make gym class go by faster.

I enjoy one of my little Edward-is-gay fantasies as I walk early to Biology class. The new school term has begun and I want to get a good seat near the window. It may sound like I don't like science... and you're right. I really don't. The thing is, for some reason it comes easily to me and so without even trying I get good grades despite my attempts not to give a shit. So like the slacker I am, I find the best window seat in the back of the room and settle in for what will certainly be an hour of boredom.

I'm fifteen minutes early, so I pull out my homework from Italian and begin the assignment. My stomach growls a bit since I barely ate, but I tell myself I'll just eat when I get home and continue to focus on translating _numeri_ on the page. I get lost in the work and ignore the shuffling of students settling into the room. They bang chairs, drop books and generally make far more noise than is necessary but we're kids, we're supposed to. I have gotten good at ignoring the excess noise around me over the years. It helps me blend into the background better. I wrap up my homework as the teacher calls attendance and its not until he calls Edward's name do I notice he's taken the seat next to me at my table. I look over at him for a moment, shake my head and take out my Bio book.

I don't know why he chose to sit next to me. He's pretty smart so I know he doesn't need to cheat off me. I can only hope he showed up late and got stuck there, otherwise it means he has an ulterior motive and I probably won't like it. Dr. Banner informs us that these will be our assigned seats for the term and that the person sitting next to us is our lab partner. I frown and look at Edward only to see him looking at me with that strange expression from earlier. I turn my head to look out the window and I sigh as it occurs to me that this class is really going to fucking suck.


	2. Chapter 2 Potato Chips

I don't own Twilight, but you probably already knew that. If intent on suing me for any form of copyright, know that all you'll receive in the end is an overweight cat named Gizmo. If you're going to review, be kind or constructive. Those that flame will surely go to Hell and be forced to watch rick-roll Youtube videos for eternity. I suppose if that's your thing, flame away. Who am I to judge?

This is the average length of the chapters. I'll probably post once a week, but who knows. I may be excited and post early or say screw it and wait an extra week out of some sick sadistic satisfaction. Don't you just love alliterations? In any case, I really don't like author notes so unless someone is in desperate need for information that will in fact literally save a life, please don't waste time asking for spoilers. INSTANT GRATIFICATION IS A MYTH PERPETUATED BY MEN WITH NO STAMINA. Oh and if you're under 18 and reading this, your parents are negligent.

* * *

Chapter 2

A week has passed since the first day of term has started and I've overslept three times. I'd like to claim I was exhausted due to having mind blowing sex all night or maybe just curing cancer, but honestly I've become addicted to reading fan fiction. Smutty fan fiction to be specific. I discovered it when I got tired of reading Pride and Prejudice over and over and over again. I love me some good Mr. Darcy, but it gets tedious after awhile. You want Mr. Darcy to stuff his proper English etiquette and just fuck Elizabeth already. I imagine Jane Austen would have agreed with me and at least would have included some tongue in her book if not bound by societal constraints.

So instead of having said mind-blowing sex for myself, I let Lizzy get it on with Fitzwilliam for me. I'd be jealous of her if I hadn't realized how pathetic it is to be jealous of fictional characters. I have enough issues in my life, no need to add more to them. Because of my addiction to sexy, smutty fictional characters, I only got five hours of sleep before my asshole alarm clock woke me up. It really is an asshole and to prove it as such I named him Sphincter. My father rolled his eyes at me the first time he heard the nickname, but I think he was secretly jealous I beat him to it. He hates his alarm too. I am fairly certain the desire to sleep-in is genetic.

It turns out my class schedule isn't quite as bad as I anticipated it to be. First period Italian followed by World History, AP English, Pre-Calc, Lunch, Biology, Art and then Gym. I thank the education gods that gym is the last class of the day. Choosing between sitting in sweat stank during class or washing in moldy shower stalls sucks. I am enjoying English, Italian and Art. History is boring. Math and Gym are making me wince. And Biology... well it is just plain awkward.

I have come to the conclusion there is something mentally wrong with Edward. We've had to perform one lab so far and the entire time he acted oddly. I offered to take turns on the microscope only to see him doing this open fish mouth gaping type thing. It freaked me out so I just did the whole lab myself then set the paper in the middle of the table so he could copy it. In an attempt to salvage what little dignity I had left for that day, I ignored him for the rest of the class and watched the rain fall on the football field. I don't know if he did the lab himself or copied my work, but Dr. Banner gave us both an A it. When the bell rang, I raced out of the room and happily joined Alice in Art class.

Alice is probably my only friend at school. Her real first name is Mary, but she decided when she was eight to use her middle name instead. Apparently, she discovered that Santa Claus wasn't real and so that meant that religion was a sham. She didn't care that Santa Claus had nothing to do with Jesus, Mary or any of the other biblical figures. To her, Santa was the closest thing to God since he brought her toys and pretty clothes and if Santa didn't exist, neither did God. In her race to embrace Atheism, she ditched her name, stole her dad's electric razor, shaved her head and played pre-found-God Sinead O'Connor music. Her parents thought it was just a phase and indulged her whim. I can't really say if it was smart or not of them since ultimately they are the ones that live with her, but Alice has become a bit scary.

Alice kept shaving her head until she turned thirteen. When it started growing in she let it grow to a point where she could just chop it up into odd shapes. Currently its short in the front, long on the sides and lumpy in the back. I would say its hideous, but she kinda pulls it off. She wears heavy black eyeliner, vintage style rock t shirts, black cargo pants and high heeled black boots. Her choice of accessories change with her mood and usually I can tell when she's having a good or bad day. That and if she's mumbling the lyrics to "Nothing Compares 2 U."

Art class is really more of a mixed media class. Everyone chooses their favorite art form and our teacher lets them go wild. Ms. Daniels is a bit of a hippy and plays eastern tantric music in the background as she flows around us examining our work and telling us quite literally if we suck or not. She's a bit of a harsh hippy. Her mode of teaching is to encourage us to center ourselves through meditation, find a place in ourselves that is less full of crap than the rest and embrace it. We are then to project this into our artwork and create masterpieces. I watched "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" earlier last week so I'm currently drawing a picture of Jessica Rabbit giving everyone the finger. I admit I admire the character and she has some of the best quotes ever. Today I am working on my sketch and Alice is whispering Jessica Rabbit quotes to me.

"You don't know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do."

I grin quickly at Alice then refocus on my work. Ms. Daniels has hovered to my spot and informed me that poorly imitating other people's artwork won't make me grow as an artist. I inform her that Jessica Rabbit is not only giving the men of the world the finger, but her as well. She then pats me on the head and floats on to Lauren's sculpture of Miley Cyrus. Disturbing.

Alice continues with her quotes and I want to smack her when she says,"I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way."

Glaring at her smug face I whisper, "Shut the fuck up Alice."

She just continues to cut into her piece of scrap metal and says,"Don't get pissy with me, bitch. Now get back to work and if you do a good job, I'll bake you a carrot cake."

Despite my best efforts to take offense at her previous words, I snicker and return to my tribute to male bashing. It might seem that I'm a bit of a man hater, but quite honestly I'm more of a stereotype hater. Its hard finding self-acceptance when society decides your qualities are inadequate. So drawing a big boobed, small waisted cartoon character giving the men of the world the finger just seems fun, because despite our differences, she's trapped as a stereotype too.

I hear the clicking of a blowtorch being ignited and turn to watch as Alice welds on a new piece to her sculpture. I try to figure out what she's trying to make and although I nag, she won't tell me. Alice got special permission from her parents and the school to work with the torch because she's a savant with metal. I have fun calling her an idiot savant, but only when she doesn't have something to burn me with nearby.

When class ends I walk with Alice towards Gym and ask, "Are you coming over after school to work on the calc homework? Charlie won't be home til late tonight so we can probably finish it up quick then watch some tv."

"Sure. I need your help and I miss Snowball."

"Alice, he's a cat. He sleeps, eats, and leaves hairballs on my bedroom floor. I really don't get your obsession with him."

"He poops too, you know." Alice loves stating the obvious. Seriously. She does it intentionally just to see how many people will react to her inane comments.

"Yes, I know. I clean his litter often enough to be aware of that."

"Well you left out an important part of the life cycle. If he didn't leave his little nuggets for you, he'd be even fatter than he is already."

"Not possible. I took him to the vet last week and he's over twenty-two pounds. He larger than Mrs. Stanley's chihuahua now. He's already defying the cycle of life by abandoning his proper position as dog-chow, so it doesn't matter if he poops anymore."

"Wow. I wonder how much larger he has to be before we can contact Ripley's."

"No clue, but I'll leave the research to you."

"Too busy reading your online porn?"

"Of course. A girl needs priorities."

I probably should have been aware that Edward was behind us as we were discussing my cat's bowel movements and my nightly smut addiction, but I'm not a very observant person. It wasn't until I tripped and almost slammed my face into the Gym doors that I noticed someone behind us. The yanking of my shirt kept me from face-planting, which I was grateful for until I turned around and saw who did it. He was looking at me with that strange, creepy, psycho look again. I quickly flipped back and forth between wanting to say "thank you" and scream "what the fuck are you looking at." I ultimately decided to wave then run like mad to the girl's locker room.

Alice soon joined me in there and we changed outfits. She was oddly quiet and kept giving me side-glances. Since Alice isn't a lesbian, I figured she noticed the how strangely Edward acted, but thankfully said nothing. Gym class began and I suffered the hour of dodge-ball with my usual lack of grace. Alice kept giving Edward and I quick glances and I realized she was just biding her time until she came to my house later to question me. This afternoon was really going to fucking suck.


	3. Chapter 3 Cool Ranch Doritos

I don't own Twilight, but you probably already knew that. If intent on suing me for any form of copyright, know that all you'll receive in the end is an overweight cat named Gizmo. If you're going to review, be kind or constructive. Those that flame will surely go to Hell and be forced to watch rick-roll Youtube videos for eternity. I suppose if that's your thing, flame away. Who am I to judge?

This is the average length of the chapters. I'll probably post once a week, but who knows. I may be excited and post early or say screw it and wait an extra week out of some sick sadistic satisfaction. Don't you just love alliterations? In any case, I really don't like author notes so unless someone is in desperate need for information that will in fact literally save a life, please don't waste time asking for spoilers. INSTANT GRATIFICATION IS A MYTH PERPETUATED BY MEN WITH NO STAMINA. Oh and if you're under 18 and reading this, your parents are negligent.

* * *

Chapter 3

I've been told recently that I'm kinda crude and obnoxiously blunt by Mrs. Cope, the sweet, blue-haired lady that mans the checkout line of the local Quickchek and who generously shared this important tidbit of information. Since what she said was true, I disabled my verbal filter and told her that she was abso-fucking-lutely correct and asked if she could hurry up and complete my order before she died of old age. Her following response surprised me and made me giggle. I didn't know she knew that exact phrase, but I had to point out I lacked said part of anatomy to perform said suggested act but it was sweet she was so interested in my sex life.

I loaded my packages into the back of my rusted old Ford pickup and made my way back to the white-washed, two-level house that Fork's chief-of-police called home. I would call it home as well, but I was just biding my time until I could get out of this town. It seemed too callous to infer a sense of ownership to a place that I didn't care much for, especially when it mattered to my father. I sometimes try to understand why he cares about this house, this town, his job, but my immature attitude usually overrules this line of thought and I just decides its just dumb.

I know when I'm acting immature so maybe its a sign of maturity that I'm so self-aware. I'd give myself a pat on the back for that insightful thought, but then I realize that I'm just being immature again. I know it was immature to be rude to Mrs. Cope, but then again the old lady needed a bit of spice in her life. I was just helping to make her last few years on this planet less fucking boring. Besides, Alice is coming over in twenty minutes and I regret inviting her.

Snowball, in some strange six-sense kitty intuition, knows his favorite worshiper is coming to attend him. He has settled himself directly in front of the front window allowing Alice an extra moment to bask in his glory as she walks up the porch steps. The high pitch squeal warns me that Alice has arrived. Alice doesn't believe in knocking on doors or ringing doorbells. She figures if you didn't want her there, you'd lock all entryways. That includes windows.

I attempt to distract her with cookies and homework after she rededicates herself at the figurative altar dedicated to Snowball. It works until both are depleted and we settle on the couch to watch television. Alice has decided my nails need painting and currently is working on the second coat of a color closely resembling an over-ripe plum.

"So whats the deal with you and Cullen?"

For years I had practiced the ultimate sarcastic facial expression until, with overwhelming pride, I succeeded. Utilizing my mad skills, I raise one eyebrow and ask her, "Seriously Alice? Not even an attempt at lead-in?"

"Nope."

"You're getting lazy in your old age."

"And you're trying to avoid answering my very direct question. What the fuck is up with you two? The way he looked at you was just weird."

My desire to flee is forestalled as she holds my hand and attempts to continue 'beautifying' me. I sigh since she has successfully forced me to remain in this conversation. I can't resist a bit of a glare then just shrug my shoulders at her.

"Honestly, I really don't know. He started looking at me with this freaky, weird, creepy look towards the beginning of the school year. I thought it would have passed already, but instead it just keeps going on and my getting close to snapping at him. Is it too hard to just be left alone? I mean really?"

"Maybe he likes you."

"Uh, yeah, no. Doubtful. More likely he's bored and I provide him with some sort of sick amusement that he castigates himself over. Hence the 'I look like I want to laugh and puke at the same time' thing he has going on."

"Maybe. Or maybe he just likes you and is intimidated."

I can't resist laughing at her. I'd say I was laughing at her comment, but anyone saying I'm intimidating is just being ridiculous. Okay, maybe I can be a little intimidating, but certainly not to someone like Edward. So yeah, I'm being a bitch and laughing at Alice.

"Alice, snookems, sweetums... you're fucking nuts."

So ends our brief interrogation of my non-existent relationship with Edward.

The next day at school, I find myself sitting at the same lunch table I sat on that first day I noticed Edward noticing me. I remembered to bring my lunch this time and did not have to suffer the indignity of eating the school lunch meat again. I was pleasantly surprised when Ben sat down across from me and started discussing the upcoming English paper. We had just finished "Lord of the Flies" and needed to write a five page essay about it.

Ben is a very nice guy. He is socially awkward, but always means well and I find myself acting nicer when he is around. I don't swear as much, I don't glare as much, and I find myself trying to boost his self-esteem. For the longest time he has had a crush on Angela, Pastor Webber's eldest daughter. Angela is sweet, innocent, and extremely well-liked at school. She sticks to her morals which I greatly admire, but sometimes I wish Angela would act like that girl from "Footloose" and just stop being so sweet and innocent. Ben needs someone who will make the push for him, otherwise he may never find a girl. At one point I thought about hitting on Ben, but his unrequited love for Angela made it obvious that I would always play second-fiddle to her.

As we continue to discuss the book, I look past Ben's shoulder and see Edward flat-out glaring at us. What the fuck is your fucking problem? I don't realize I say this out loud until Ben asks me in a soft voice whats wrong. I apologize to him and explain I was accidentally thinking out loud and didn't mean to say that to him. I feel all kinds of guilt for being unintentionally rude to such a sweet guy and excuse myself, my lunch yet again half-eaten after Edward inflicts his fucking glare my way. I quickly make my way to Bio early and start on my English paper layout while its fresh in my mind.

Class begins and Edward is already seated next to me. I decide that its time to call him out on his bullshit attitude. Not only is he fucking with me now, but he's indirectly fucking with my friends and that I won't sit still for. Since Dr. Banner has decided to be lazy and have us watch a film on mitosis today, I pack up my things and turn to glare at Edward. Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised anymore, but that he is staring at me already just makes me even more angry.

In a whisper-yell I say, "I don't give a fuck if you want to inflict your weird ass glares at me all day Cullen, but cut that shit out on Ben. He's a nice guy and I won't let you pick on him."

Edward smirks and then shrugs his shoulders. He's still staring at me.

"I mean it. Back the fuck off."

"And what if I don't, Bella?" His voice is smooth, but there is a strange grating sound to it, like he is clenching his teeth.

"Then I'll find a way to make you. You can hate me all you like, but when you pick on someone who can't fight back that just makes you a bully."

For the first time this school year, Edward shows me a new expression. He clearly looks shocked at my response. Maybe no one has ever called him a bully to his face before. Maybe he never bullied anyone before me. In either case, I was sadistically pleased at evoking a new response in him. About five minutes later, I hear his voice again.

"You think I hate you?" I am surprised that that was what caused the shock in him. Maybe he didn't care that he was a bully?

"Given all the evil looks you send my way, hell yes."

I hear him mutter under his breath and as the bell rings, he races out of the room like his ass was on fire. I consider our conversation a minor victory and enjoy regaling Alice at my complete domination of him during Art. When we make it to Gym class, I notice his absence and shrug it off. I continue to ride the high until I notice Edward's absence continues for the rest of the week. I probably shouldn't assume I chased him off, but a small bit of guilt is now nagging at me. The guilt grows as I overhear random girls wondering where Edward went. Someone mentions camping with his Dad, someone else mentions nervous breakdown. I hope for the first and fear the second. I can't help wondering if the real bully was me, not Edward, and that overwhelming feeling of guilt really fucking sucks.


	4. Chapter 4 Cheeseburger

I don't own Twilight, but you probably already knew that. If intent on suing me for any form of copyright, know that all you'll receive in the end is an overweight cat named Gizmo. If you're going to review, be kind or constructive. Those that flame will surely go to Hell and be forced to watch rick-roll Youtube videos for eternity. I suppose if that's your thing, flame away. Who am I to judge?

This is the average length of the chapters. I'll probably post once a week, but who knows. I may be excited and post early or say screw it and wait an extra week out of some sick sadistic satisfaction. Don't you just love alliterations? In any case, I really don't like author notes so unless someone is in desperate need for information that will in fact literally save a life, please don't waste time asking for spoilers. INSTANT GRATIFICATION IS A MYTH PERPETUATED BY MEN WITH NO STAMINA. Oh and if you're under 18 and reading this, your parents are negligent.

*Warning - Bella is a teenager and thus subject to life lessons. Some are not funny, so despite the whole humor thing, be aware that they will pop up at times. Welcome to the first.

* * *

Chapter 4

It's Monday morning and Sphincter has woken me up. I shouldn't be surprised by that given it's his whole purpose in life, but I resent it none the less and hurl him across the room. I trudge through my morning activities and as I pull into the school's parking lot, I notice Edward's car is parked in a spot two down from mine. I'm a bundle of nerves and seriously debate turning back around and heading home. If it wasn't for the Italian quiz, I probably would, but I studied too hard last week to skip out on it now. I would have studied this weekend as well, but yeah, that didn't happen.

I spent my weekend suffering from a general feeling of blah. The irrational sense of guilt I felt during the previous week had spread to my weekend, which is really shitty. Weekends are supposed to be the days off, where we can party and let loose and ignore the weekday crap. Well someone lied to me when they told me that story, because my crap from the week turned my weekend to shit.

My father isn't the most observant man. Actually, correct that: he's very observant, except when it comes to me. I don't want to mislead anyone and have them think Charlie is abusive or negligent, because he isn't. It's just he and I have this unspoken agreement to respect one another's personal space. Sometimes, well most of the time, it's amazing. I don't get yelled at for stupid junk that most parents seem to enjoy yelling for. If I forget and leave my box of tampons out on the bathroom sink, then I get a stern talking to, but that is about it.

I don't like cleaning, but I like being a slob even less so I keep the house tidy most of the time. Thanks to my shitastic mood this weekend, I became obsessed with cleaning. I didn't know what else to do with myself and so me and Mr. Clean bonded. Sure he's a bald dude, but man is he buff and he has a fairly pleasant lemon scent. I probably should have been a bit more lazy, because my cleaning binge raised Charlie's awareness flags and attempted to cook dinner for us Sunday night.

I should explain that Charlie doesn't cook. It's not out of laziness, but out of concern for our kitchen and body functions. He tried to make macaroni and cheese for me as a "Welcome Home" dinner when I moved back in with him. I appreciated the effort despite the odd taste up until I spent the night hugging the toilet. The following morning we made a pact that I cooked and he washed the dishes. It has worked well for us for the past year, and so why he wants to risk another bout of food-poisoning scared me more than my expectations of sleeping on the bathroom floor. I wondered if someone at the station got shot or Renee was demanding I move back to Arizona again.

The meal was memorable. Charlie claimed the fish was 'blackened' and to enjoy. I told him there was a difference between seasoning a fillet so that it looked black and burning the poor sucker to death. The rice had burned to the bottom of the pot and the carrots were over-cooked and drowned in butter. I politely dished up a plate for Charlie and grabbed myself a pop-tart. He was determined to eat his meal until he couldn't take it anymore and grabbed a pop-tart, too. As per house rules, the person that didn't cook had to clean so now I was trapped at the sink as Charlie sat down at the table and cleared his throat.

I decided to break the ice by asking, "What happened?"

"Why don't you tell me, Bells?"

I gave him a strange look. "What do you mean? You're the one that tried to poison us tonight, so whats the deal? Is it Renee or the station? Someone die?"

Charlie just snorted at me and said, "Nothing happened to either Renee or the station as far as I know and I'd be the first to know if there did. No, what I mean is why on earth were you scrubbing the house all weekend? Why didn't you hang out with Alice or at least sit around watching tv?"

I raised my eyebrow at him as I scrubbed the pot he burnt the rice in. "So you'd rather I hang with Alice worshiping Snowball as a false god or watch MTV like all the other normal kids who aspire to be Brittney Spears? Yeah you got that parenting thing down pat, Charlie."

"Don't give me your attitude, Isabella. I may ignore it most of the time, but don't think I'll let you talk to me that way. Now tell me whats going on before I show you I have that "parenting thing" down and ground your ass."

"Nice language."

"You taught me well, daughter of mine. Now what is going on?"

The thing is, Charlie is a sincere person. He gets this look in his eye, a general body stance that tells you you can trust him and it's not a trick. It's what makes him such a good Police Chief. No one questions his motives and if you did get pulled into the station, you know you'll get a fair shake if you really did do nothing wrong. So with a person like that, it's hard to avoid answering the really tough questions. Especially when he's your father.

Sighing, I dumped the pot in the sink of soapy, greyish water and plopped down in the chair across from him. It's hard to summarize my anxiety into words, so I said the first thing that came to mind. "I was a bitch to someone at school this week and afterwards he left school and hasn't been back."

Charlie leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes and hummed softly. He does this when he wants to process what he's heard and decide on how to handle it. After a minute, he opened his eyes and asked, "Did this person deserve you being a bitch to them?"

I contemplated that for a moment before my verbal filter failed me and I spewed, "I thought he did, but now all I'm doing is second-guessing myself. All I feel is guilt. Oh, and anger at feeling guilty. I can't decide if I deserve to be feeling guilt for being such a bitch or if I should throttle him for making me suffer all weekend. But then I start feeling guilty again for wanting to be mean again. I just want to smack him upside the head and scream at him for making my life awkward and then I feel guilty again for wanting to smack and scream at him. ITS NOT FAIR!"

Anyone that claims that slamming your head into the table in a fit of frustration helps is full of shit. As I completed my verbal diarrhea, I groaned loudly and slammed my head into the Formica surface. It wasn't meant to be any form of demonstration of the level of angst I was suffering, just an irrational reaction to an irrational response to an irrational boy. It probably shocked Charlie as much as it shocked me, except he didn't end up with a lump on his forehead like I did.

As I moaned in pain and rubbed my head, my father looked at me like I was nuts. It kinda hurt my feelings, so I pushed back my chair, got up, informed my father he could finish cleaning up his disaster and went upstairs. I brushed my teeth before bed and confirmed in the mirror that a red lump had started forming near my hairline. It was too early to go to sleep, but I was just emotionally exhausted and curled up under my quilt. I was about to pass out when I heard a slight knock on the door. I was going to ignore him, but Charlie opened the door anyway and let himself in and sat on the edge of my bed.

"When I was a teenager, there was this girl named Wendy in my junior year. I had the biggest crush on her, but I was too shy to speak up. The crush just kept growing and growing until I finally convinced myself to ask her out. I noticed she used to hang out by the back of the gym during lunch periods, so I planned to head back there the next day and ask her to prom. I dressed in my nicest clothes and was so excited all morning that when lunch came around I had to calm myself for the first twenty minutes before walking back there. When I did, I was shocked to find her smoking weed."

I turned over slightly and watched Charlie's silhouette illuminated by the light from the hallway through my open bedroom door. He just stared forward and continued.

"I grew up fairly sheltered. I believed there were things you absolutely should and shouldn't do. I knew drugs were bad so I was completely shocked that this girl I fantasized about was not as perfect as I imagined. I knew deep down there were far worse things she could have been doing, but the rational part of my mind just shut off and I yelled at her. I don't even remember all the things I said at the time, just the frustration and disappointment in her was so great I had to tell her. When I finished, I stormed away and I could hear her crying. Wendy stopped coming to school after that. I wallowed for awhile in my own misery until about two months later I read in the paper that she had died."

I couldn't help but gasp out loud and curled up next to my father. He rested his hand on my hair and gently stroked as he continued his story.

"Apparently she had been suffering for years from leukemia and she had been using prescribed marijuana to help fight the symptoms. If I had really looked at her, I would have seen how emaciated she was. How she winced if she got jostled in the hall in between classes. Her hair that I had loved to look at was a wig made from her own hair before she got sick. I just couldn't see past what I wanted to see. After she died, your grandmother was concerned because I became extremely depressed. The guilt was horrible and I wasn't coping well. Finally, she pulled the details from me. She told me how disappointed she was in me. That the world wasn't black and white and to look for the source instead of assuming. It hurt that she said that to me. I remember thinking, 'if she really loved me she'd support me instead of kicking me when I'm already down' and I resented her for it for a long time."

I couldn't help but frown as I tried to imagine Gramma Betty saying this to Charlie. Despite her horrible cooking, she made wonderful chocolate chip cookies. She fed them to me as a child before Renee dragged me off on her journey of self-discovery. When I came back to live with Charlie, she was so excited, she left a plateful for me on the kitchen table. I briefly tried to reconcile the two impressions of her and I was failing miserably. I knew Charlie wasn't done talking, so I refocused back on him.

"As much as I resented your grandmother for what she said, I couldn't get her words out of my head. I watched the other students, my friends, our neighbors, your grandparents. I studied their actions and I tried to make sense, to look for that 'source' your grandmother mentioned. It was simple things at first that started clicking for me, but as time went on I became more accepting, less judgmental I guess. It's not an easy thing to do, sweetheart. It's easy to make snap judgments and act on them, but if you don't look before you leap you may make a mistake you'll find yourself regretting for the rest of your life. I wish I had never yelled at Wendy. I wish I had gotten to know her better, the real her. All I can do now is use what your grandmother taught me and make sure I don't repeat my past."

I rested my head on his lap and asked softly, "Did you ever speak to her family after she died?"

"No. It was selfish of me to ask for forgiveness when I had done nothing to deserve it. I didn't even know if they knew what happened that day. Ultimately, the only person who could really forgive me was already dead. Most of the information I just shared with you I heard from town gossip after the funeral. There was a lot of gossip and I don't know how much of it was reliable, but the bits I shared with you I know was true."

My father continued to stroke my hair softly as he closed his eyes. His actions were soothing, but I felt guilty for giving him a reason to repeat this story. I snuggled in as close as I could and his dark brown eyes just studied me for a bit.

"Don't do that, Bells. Don't start wallowing. Listen to your grandmother's words and follow them. She's a wise old bird. Don't go rushing in and apologizing to the boy right away. Analyze the situation, see if you were actually right to bitch him out. If not, think carefully about how to either fix things or come to terms with it."

I nodded my head, re-situated myself on my pillows and whispered, "Thank you, Daddy."

"Love you, Bells. Lumpy head and all."

I playfully swung a slap at his side, but he dodged and left my room, shutting my door behind him. My guilt is less palpable than before. It's still there, but somehow my brain is too full of my father's story to overwhelm me. I don't think Edward has cancer so that is a good thing. But, what if he does? Did I unknowingly imitate my father and hurry a sick person to their grave? The panic started to overwhelm me until I remember Edward is a jock. If he was really that sick, he wouldn't be playing sports. My mood is so mercurial that I start getting angry at him again. How dare he mess with my life like this! The emotional exhaustion set in, so I closed my eyes and hoped this week would improve, otherwise it was really going to fucking suck


	5. Chapter 5 Hostess Cupcakes

I don't own Twilight, but you probably already knew that. If intent on suing me for any form of copyright, know that all you'll receive in the end is an overweight cat named Gizmo. If you're going to review, be kind or constructive. Those that flame will surely go to Hell and be forced to watch rick-roll Youtube videos for eternity. I suppose if that's your thing, flame away. Who am I to judge?

If you need more information on posting schedule, refer to one of the first four posts. If you're reading this and under 18, well you're probably not seeing anything you haven't said before. When I get to the smut, then I'll act more parental. Thank you for the sweet reviews. They never fail to make me smile. I'm new to posting, so if you have any tips on how to increase readership, please pass them along.

* * *

Chapter 5

My life seems to rotate around lunchtime. I'd find it more disturbing than it actually is, but since I'm snacking on a Hostess cupcake, I think life is full of chocolaty goodness. It's probably not healthy for me to act like this, to hide myself in my food, but it mellows me out and my life is way too high on the anxiety chart to play little miss proactive. And did I mention chocolate?

I remember seeing in a movie once that love was biochemically different than eating large amounts of chocolate. I don't really lack love in my life, but who couldn't use a bit more? To have that warm fuzzy feeling that makes you want to giggle and moan all at the same time. And I don't mean that fake-porno moan, but rather the kind that just kinda slips out when you reach that level of bliss you didn't expect to reach. Yeah, we can all use more of that in our lives.

So here I am, licking the chocolate icing off the top of my cupcake while Alice is playing with her carrots right next to me. She is viciously biting the figurative heads off all the baby carrots while glaring at me since I won't share my sweet treat with her. She is enjoying telling me that they are all figuratively me and that maybe some totemic shamanistic power will channel thru her body and suddenly my head will go pop like a, well, baby carrot. I lovingly give the cupcake another long lick and tell her to take her Ritalin.

As me and my chocolate are bonding, Alice informs me I'm being stared at again. I look up at where Edward normally sits and discover that yes, he's watching me as my molesting my food. He has yet again another of his strange looks, but his mouth is kinda hanging open slightly and his eyes are rather wide as if in shock. It's unsettling and I can't help but think about what Charlie said about finding the cause. There are several possibilities, so I decide to test him.

Staring right at him, I take a long, slow sweeping lick across the top of the cupcake. I watch as he continues to stare hard at me, his mouth ajar and his fingers gripping the edge of the table tight enough they turn white. He unconsciously licks his lips and continues to stare at me with that open mouth look until he catches himself. I didn't know Edward was a blusher, but there he was turning bright red and storming out of the lunch room with his friends calling out asking where he was going. I shift my eyes to the left and I see Alice mid-carrot decapitation staring at me in awe.

"I don't know what that was, but whatever it was it was brilliant."

I shrug my shoulders at her and respond, "I'm tired of guessing what is going on with him. If he gets to mind-fuck with me, then I get to do the same back. Although, I got to say I'm surprised at the response."

Alice rolls her eyes and gives me a light slap upside the head.

"What the fuck bitch? Why are you slapping me?"

"Bella, are you really that fucking dense? The boy was drooling over the cupcake porn you were just committing in front of the entire lunchroom. That you looked up and gave him a special show just sent him over the top. He probably turned red because, after that performance, he most likely just came in his jockies."

I imitate a fish for a moment, then begin to blush as well. I don't blush very often, because that would require having a lot of shame and I'm fairly shameless. I excuse myself, leave Alice my second cupcake and head off to the girl's bathroom to cool my face off. I can't help but look up and examine my features in the mirror. The light in the bathroom is fluorescent so I take what I see with an extra grain of salt.

I'm not what would be considered as overly attractive by modern day standards. I'm a size 14 which means I can sort of fit into the trendy clothes, but it looks like a fat girl trying to be skinny. I can go to the larger clothing stores, but then I look like I'm going to meet up with Barb and Helen to play mahjong down at the Rec Center. So outfits wise, I stick to jeans, t-shirts, a hoodie, and my chucks. Its uninspiring, but then again I'm not trying to be a fashionista.

From the neck up, I have a slight double chin. It makes me sad, because I wish I could have a defined jaw line like Alice has. I have high cheek bones, dark brown eyes, slightly bushy eyebrows, and long slightly wavy reddish-brown hair. I try to be objective about what I see before me, but after 5 minutes of staring back at myself, I just don't see what would make Edward Cullen squeege in his pants.

I slip into one of the stalls, close the door and take care of business. As I'm ready to wipe, I hear a pack of girls enter in. They are gossiping, which I'm sure is no shock to anyone, but who they are gossiping about is me. So I imitate what you'd find in any teen movie and sit in my stall with my butt hanging out to eavesdrop. The toilet paper rolls are clunky when they turn so I carefully pull one stupid fucking piece of paper at a time as I listen in.

"Can you believe she did that? Who does she think she is? If I was that fat, I wouldn't be flaunting it in front of the whole school."

"I know! It was so disgusting the way she was eating! And did you see Edward? He must have been so embarrassed! Having to watch the fat girl gawk at him as she pigged out. He ran out of there so fast, he must have gone to puke!"

The girls begin cackling like the mangy hyenas they are. I want to stand up and call them out on their bullshit gossip. I want to throw it in their faces that Edward seems to have the hots for me and not them. I want to tell them my name is Bella, not fat girl. I prepare myself to make a grand entrance when I hear the bathroom door open and close as they escape out into the hall.

I exit out of my stall, wash my hands and take a last look in the mirror. Alice must have been misinterpreting things again. I make my way to Bio, take my seat and cradle my head in my arms against the desk. I just want to be graduated already and out of here. I love my father, I like Alice an awful lot, but there is nothing else really tying me to this town. If my only other option wasn't Renee, I'd be out of here in a flash. But that isn't an option no matter how much she guilt trips me.

I hear the chair next to me scrape across the floor and Edward exhale as he sits down. I can't bring myself to look at him. I assumed Alice could be right, but the girls made another excellent point and well, I really am just not up to knowing who is right at the moment. In either case, both would leave me feeling miserable. If the girls were right, then I just publicly humiliated myself and acted like all those other girls I mock that flock around Edward. Sure it wasn't my intention, but if I had been watching it's what I would have thought. If Alice was right, then it means there is something seriously wrong going on around here and Edward is some kinda deviant. Yup, a no win.

I luck out and it's lecture day. It means I don't have to acknowledge Edward's existence. But he doesn't let me off the hook and speaks to me in a soft voice.

"Hello, Bella."

I continue to pretend he's not there, but he doesn't seem to care.

"I hope you didn't get stuck with any labs while I was out last week."

Its the perfect segue to ask him where he was and was he okay and why he was tormenting me so much, but I refused to respond again. He sighs loudly and leaves me be for the rest of the class. I get ready to dash out of the room as the bell rings, but he slips in a little comment before I can escape.

"I hope you enjoyed that cupcake."

I feel my face blush bright red, close my eyes and run out as fast as possible, forgetting my books at my seat. I don't remember the last time I felt such a lack of self-confidence. All I could feel was this overwhelming need to escape. So like the coward I've apparently become, I race to the parking lot intent on skipping early and leaving this fucking hell hole.

I grasp the keys in my pocket and struggle to pull them out and open my fucking rust bucket of a truck. I hear someone calling my name and I ignore it, my hands shaking and close to fucking tears. What the hell is wrong with me? I am **not** that person! The voice is getting closer and I hear a panic tone in his voice as he screams, "BELLA!"

I can't help, but look up and see the fear in his eyes as he looks past me. I would like to say life moves in slow motion when an out of control car comes barreling towards you, but really everything kinda just keeps going at the same speed, except you settle into a form of acceptance. There is nothing you can do. You are going to get hit and most likely die. There is no time to run or scream or plead for help. The inevitable is going to happen and when it does, what you did before wont matter.

Tyler's minivan is this ugly mustard yellow color. I'm going to be either severely maimed or mortally injured by a fucking ugly minivan. How pathetic. I have barely enough time to close my eyes as I feel my body being impacted from behind. Someone has fucking tackled me and we roll to the side as Tyler destroys my back fender and Lauren's Kia. I'm fairly certain I know who tackled me. I can hear his heavy breathing amidst the screeching sound of metal being crushed.

I'm not sure what we're pinned under, but Edward's body is wrapped around mine and I whimper in both relief and mortification. He whispers into my ear, but I can't focus on what he's saying. I'm aware I'm mostly unharmed, but I'm so lost in the after shock of the experience, I begin to hyperventilate. I can tell Edward is scared and worried about my breathing. He's holding me closer, trying to calm me down and see where I'm hurt, but that only makes me breath faster. The last thoughts in my head before things go black is "Edward is touching my boobs" and "When I wake up, things are really going to fucking suck."


	6. Chapter 6 Chocolate Milk

I don't own Twilight, but you probably already knew that. If intent on suing me for any form of copyright, know that all you'll receive in the end is an overweight cat named Gizmo. If you're going to review, be kind or constructive. Those that flame will surely go to Hell and be forced to watch rick-roll Youtube videos for eternity. I suppose if that's your thing, flame away. Who am I to judge?

If you need more information on posting schedule, refer to one of the first four posts. If you're reading this and under 18, well you're probably not seeing anything you haven't said before. When I get to the smut, then I'll act more parental. Thank you for the sweet reviews. They never fail to make me smile. I'm new to posting, so if you have any tips on how to increase readership, please pass them along.

I was inflicted with the lovely type 2 message last weekend so, sorry for the delay.

* * *

Chapter 6

My mother Renee has a strange custody arrangement with my father. He allowed her to take me with her when I was only three years old despite Renee's flighty nature. He felt it was important for daughters to grow up with their mothers and so regardless of her irresponsible tendencies, off the two of us went to California where Renee's dream of becoming a henna tattoo artist could be realized. Probably the biggest obstacle for her wasn't toting a toddler to the beach each day, but that all she could draw without tracing was stick figures. Needless to say, it was thankful she somehow had obtained a teaching license shortly after and worked in the Santa Monica school system so we had enough money to pay the bills.

When I turned nine, my mother decided to spend two week at an ashram in Kerala, India. She made arrangements for me to stay with Charlie for the period she'd be gone and off she went. I had seen Charlie on and off over the years so it wasn't like I was dumped with a stranger, but it certainly wasn't comfortable. If I ignore all the attempts at bonding over gutting fish, he was actually a very good caretaker. Definitely more responsible than Renee, who showed to pick me up a month later than originally planned.

When I turned thirteen, Renee deposited me with Charlie again. She had joined a group with the intent of traveling cross-country all summer to advocate the legality of marijuana. With horrific memories of gasping fish faces and their guts splayed out near by, I had cried and begged Renee not to leave me there. I was sent to my room while she called Charlie and made him promise not to take me fishing during the visit. Before dropping me off in Forks, she told me avoid stressing out so much, slipped me a bag of pot and wished me well. Charlie didn't even blink twice when he found the baggie in my luggage. He just pocketed it and walked away like it was no big deal.

When I turned sixteen, my mother met Phil. Phil was twenty-six years old minor baseball league player with the hots for cougars. My mother was thirty-four and discovering the after-affects of casual drug use and over-exposure to the sun on the skin. That anyone, let alone a reasonably attractive, younger man showed interest in her sent her hormones crazy. They were married by the end of my sophomore year and I was desperately in need of either sound-proofing in the house or a new residence. I really liked Phil, so it wasn't some kind of hangup over the creepy age difference factor, its just hearing your mom getting her ass spanked in the room next to you tends to emotionally scar.

The last week in August saw me moving to Forks permanently and my mother intent on guilt-tripping me for it. It's like she needs some kind of reassurance that my life sucks without her actively in it and that she didn't fail as a parent and that Charlie could never be as good of a role model as she was. I admit that life was far more interesting with her around, but I wanted a chance to be a kid for once and not have to play the parent to her reckless lifestyle. Of course, I would never say that to her face, but I think she knows it deep down.

My junior year taught me quickly the ins and outs of Forks High School. I learned the cliques, the social requirements, what teachers to avoid, which table to sit at in the lunch room, and ultimately who it was safe to be friendly to. I was originally greeted by this hyper-active, poodle-haired girl name Jessica. She proceeded to latch on to me like a leech until she sucked every last bit of information she could get out of me. Then she abandoned me to the masses as she whispered my personal business to her other gossipy friends. I was definitely hurt by the rather vicious nature of a majority of the student body, so I just ignored everyone that wasn't polite to me. I probably wouldn't have become so close to Alice if my father hadn't left me with her parents a few times when called out on emergency when I had visited previously. Her collection of beheaded barbie doll heads is awesome.

So now I'm in my senior year and praying to get out of this hell-hole of a town, but my exit is temporarily delayed due to my being strapped down to a gurney as I'm shuttled to the local hospital. I wanted to argue with the EMTs that the effort was overkill, but Edward's big mouth ruined it. "Oh Bella hit her head. Oh Bella fell hard on her leg." I wouldn't have hit my head so hard or fell on my leg if you hadn't tackled me into the side of my car numb nuts. Sure I'm being unreasonable in my anger, but he's not the one being strapped down.

Oh and you're probably wondering why I was even almost hit by that hideous minivan. No there wasn't ice out. No the brakes didn't slip. And no, the driver didn't have a seizure. No, what happened was Tyler wanted to impress Lauren by ditching class early and surprising her with his mad ability to do perfect donuts. Yes, I mean the burnt rubber and not the creme filled kind. I can't wait to see how 'surprised' she'll be when she finds out he totaled her car.

I was met at the Emergency entrance by both my father and Edward's father. Despite very different appearances they both look extremely worried and I am rushed into a private room. I'm poked, prodded, and x-rayed until its declared I have a sprained right ankle. I ask if either Edward or Tyler is hurt and I'm told they only got some slight abrasions. I close my eyes and wonder at the fairness of it all. Charlie springs me from the room and takes me home to rest and I hope I can manipulate this into avoiding Edward for a few days.

Charlie doesn't buy the whole, "I'm too lame to walk" routine after he watches me scamper to the kitchen for some chocolate milk and tells me I get one day off to recover and then back I go. I explain that my ankle is probably too hurt to safely drive on so he offers to take me to and from school. I dodge that humiliation bullet and ask Alice to chauffeur me instead. She agrees only with the condition that she gets to spend a half-hour a day communing with Snowball.

I return to school on Wednesday. Whats left of Lauren's Kia has been towed away and all that remains is an oil stain. My truck apparently did more damage to Tyler's minivan than vice versa. The back left fender is bent and the panel above the tire is dented in, but otherwise it seems drivable. I open the driver's side door and see my keys have been left on the front seat waiting for me. I'd consider it sweet if I wasn't reminded that my truck isn't worth stealing and no one would be stupid enough to break into the Chief's house. I pocket the keys and hobble onwards.

The day drags on as people give me so many side-glances I eventually duck into the bathroom to see if there is something on my face. The scratches from the concrete are minimal, so I'm at a loss. Rather than face the public, I skip my classes and spend the rest of the day hiding out in the library. When the last bell rings, I hobble outside to meet Alice next to her Saturn. I don't expect anyone else to have made it to the lot already, so when I see Edward standing next to my truck and looking around expectantly, I pull this whole mission impossible routine and look like a complete moron as I scuttle to Alice's passenger side door and slip inside.

Alice's driver side door open and she says, "You looked like a complete moron."

"Thanks Alice. I know."

"Was there a point to that besides the amusement factor?"

"He's hanging outside my truck. I don't want to talk to him!"

"Who?"

"Edward! Who do you think?"

"Oh. I thought you meant Tyler."

I give her a funny look as I ask why Tyler would be wanting to talk to me.

"Well the word in the halls is his parents feel so bad for him almost killing you that they are forcing him to ask you to prom to make it up."

I am getting really good at the gaping fish mouth look. I finally spit out, "WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Don't scream in my ear, bitch. And you heard me. It could just be Tyler feeling guilty and his parents have nothing to do with it. You know how the gossip is in this school. I'm sure Lauren probably twisted it around since Tyler was supposed to be her date. Her parents are furious with Tyler for wrecking the car and won't let her go to the prom with him now, but you know she's a vindictive bitch. I'd watch myself around her if I were you. In either case, I'd be watching out for Tyler more than Edward."

Alice starts up her car and as I rub my head to try and relieve the growing headache, I look up and see Edward staring at me as we drive past him. His hair is a mess and his eyes go wide as we zip past. I know he has something he wants to say to me and I have a feeling I'm going to be completely humiliated in the process. I probably owe him for trying to save my life, but all I want to do is stay far, far away from him. And if Alice is right about Tyler, tomorrow isn't just going to suck. It's really going to fucking suck.


	7. Chapter 7 Banana

I don't own Twilight, but you probably already knew that. If intent on suing me for any form of copyright, know that all you'll receive in the end is an overweight cat named Gizmo. If you're going to review, be kind or constructive. Those that flame will surely go to Hell and be forced to watch rick-roll Youtube videos for eternity. I suppose if that's your thing, flame away. Who am I to judge?

If you need more information on posting schedule, refer to one of the first four posts. If you're reading this and under 18, well you're probably not seeing anything you haven't said before. When I get to the smut, then I'll act more parental. Thank you for the sweet reviews. They never fail to make me smile. I'm new to posting, so if you have any tips on how to increase readership, please pass them along. I am enjoying the reviews and am happy to see some new readers. I'm flattered by faithelizabeth's obsessive checking for update and that gave me a nice boost of confidence to keep going with this.

I thought I'd clear up two things about this story. The first is this will not go beyond Bella's graduation. Its meant to be a chronology of her senior year in an internal monologue/diary type layout. The second is I do not write chapters in advance. Unlike most authors, I thought it would be interesting to see what comes to mind as I write based on how I feel that week. It seemed like if I tried to write too much out in advance, Bella's life wouldn't be as realistically mercurial as all of our own lives are. We have ups and downs each week and despite our efforts to follow some kind of schedule, our emotions are reflected in the actions we ultimately make. This is why I say posting schedule is flexible, but usually on Friday. Depending on real life obligations, illness and the site's inability to allow posting I will strive to keep up to this schedule.

Have a pleasant weekend everyone.

* * *

Chapter 7

I remember watching _Mission Impossible_ a few years back when it was on TBS and thinking this is so unbelievably unrealistic yet fun that I sat through the marathon and watched Tom Cruise sneak his way around bad guys for the next six hours. I wasn't a big fan of his movies before this, well except for _Top Gun_ because no living woman wouldn't fall for Maverick and his leather bomber jacket, but I respected the whole blockbuster stardom he established for himself. Then he went crazy on Opera and no, I didn't watch it live because I'm not a fucking thirty-something stay at home mom, but Youtube has clips of it and seeing a grown man bounce on a coach was like _Mission Impossible_: fun yet disturbingly odd.

My life seems like it is paralleling the insanity that is Tom Cruise's career. I've been sneaking around campus for the past week and a half avoiding both Tyler and Edward's attempts to talk to me and Lauren's psychotic ass trying to stab me. She has long, pointy finger nails which I'm fairly sure she's now dipped in a contact poison and is intent on nailing me, pun intended. I've discovered some old broom closets that smell more like make-out spots than cleaning supplies. I've even found this awesome nook in the library where I am hidden from the rest of the room, but I have a clear line-of-sight on the entryway. The surreality of it all is just leading me closer to closer to couch bouncing, I just know it. Edward is even wearing a fucking leather bomber jacket.

I probably should just suck it up, let Tyler ask me to prom so I can turn him down and let Lauren try and stab me so I can have an excuse to punch her in the face, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I wonder frequently when I became such a fucking wuss, but the idea of dealing with these people who never gave two shits about me before intimidates the fuck out of me. And then there is Edward. He hasn't stopped trying to speak to me, but I've successfully avoided most attempts by showing up late to class and racing out right as the bell rings. During labs when he tries to speak, I stick my earbuds in and listen to Evanescence. Immature I know, but I just don't know how to deal with him and I'm not sure I even want to.

Alice at first had been on my ass about all the avoidance, but now she's decided to sit back and enjoy watching the train wreck I've made of my life. She makes small commentary when she catches me dodging around campus like a fucking idiot and enjoys informing me the student body has a pool going on how long I can avoid Tyler's advances. If I was really spiteful, I'd report the lot of them to Charlie so he could charge them with under-age gambling, but I am a better person than that and besides, I have no proof and Alice won't tell me who is organizing it. Fucking Alice.

Speaking of the bitch, she's informed me that despite her wonderful time spent with Snowball, she must kick my ass to the curb. Apparently, my sprain is all better and Charlie wants me to start driving myself again. He thinks I'm avoiding the truck out of some fear of being hit and wants me to overcome it. He kept on my ass all week about facing your fears head-on, and I get what he's saying, but I prefer my run and hide scenarios. My big mouth told him as much, which was really fucking stupid. He called Alice's mom and told her Alice was no longer allowed to drive me unless I had his permission.

So here I am in my rusted, rust-colored rustbucket in my usual parking spot trying to wait for the bell to ring before running inside. I tried to point out to Alice that despite my proclivities towards hiding in the library, its actually improved my GPA, especially in Italian. Buongiorno! Mi chiamo Bella. Che ore sono?

I hear the first bell ring and quickly make my way to class only to discover an assembly has been called for seniors. We file to the auditorium and I find a seat near Alice. She's as confused as I am about the sudden school spirit, until Ms. Platt, the school's vice principal announces that we are there for a seminar on sex education. The predictable catcalls and whoops and groans sound out, and some idiot asks her if she's going to give visual demonstrations.

Ms. Platt is a gorgeous woman that I'm sure is the fantasy of most of the boys on campus. She's statuesque, big boobs and wavy strawberry-blonde hair that most girls would kill for. I have no tendencies towards lesbianism, but when you look at someone that beautiful a certain switch kicks in and the only thought is "I want."

Angela raises her hand and asks in her most sweet yet judgmental voice, "Why are we being taught this now, in our senior year? Do our parents know you are attempting to teach this filth to us?"

Ms. Platt plants a beatific smile on her face and responds, "Given a certain student's unwanted pregnancy recently, the Board of Education felt it was prudent to educate you in a controlled environment about the risks of sexual activities. I'm sure you're aware Pastor Webber's attempts at stopping this, but the majority of the parents agree that its better to inform than trust solely in the hands of God. Does that answer your question, Ms. Webber?"

Angela turns a bright red and clenches her lips together as she nods abruptly at our vice principal. Everyone knows Ms. Platt is referring to Bree Tanner's recent status change from innocent cheerleader to knocked-up whore. Its harsh and I feel a pang of sympathy for her. She really was a sweet, innocent girl and extremely naive. Her mother had encouraged her to try out during the summer tryouts and the extremely bendy girl was instantly accepted to the team. During their first away game, she demonstrated her bendiness to the football team by doing full splits during half-time. It was all downhill from there as the team took turns with the girl after the quarterback successfully convinced her to give it up to him. She wasn't being raped or anything, but I don't think she honestly knew anything about birth-control or STDs. It wasn't until her mom took her to the hospital for what they thought was the stomach flu, that they found out that she not only got pregnant, but also caught herpes. The football team got in a mess of trouble and anyone even thought to have had contact with Bree are now avoided like the plague by the female student body.

I glance over at where the football team is sitting together and get a vicious spike of glee at how uncomfortable they look. The saddest thing is, no one is quite sure who is the father of Bree's unborn child so anyone that slept with her could potentially be the baby-daddy. This is the most Jerry Springer type drama Forks has seen in awhile and the rumors are running mad. Bree's mom is trying to keep it as hushed up as possible, but sweet, naïve Bree keeps chatting with Jessica about how her life is going without realizing that Jessica is spreading it all around. I honestly feel stuck between wanting to defend Bree from all these cruel people and just stay out of the line of fire.

I am reminded that Tyler is a member of the football team as he leans over and whispers something into Riley's ear. I shudder in disgust at the thought of what STDs he may be carrying. I avert my eyes and notice Edward sitting with the baseball players down near the front of the room. I feel a small flutter of relief that he isn't a football player, but then get annoyed at being relieved. I'm sure he's a man whore too probably, maybe.

I would explain in detail what Ms. Platt discusses with us, but if you really need a review in sexual education then it probably shouldn't be from me. I zoned out a good half of what she said and instead played over in my head the most recent fanfiction I read. If I want to learn about sex, I'll learn it there. Well that and watching porn like any other healthy teenager. Oh and MTV. Can't forget that.

My attention is caught towards the end as Ms. Platt starts calling up students to demonstrate their ability to put a condom on a banana. Rather than just make a few do it, she has decided to share the humiliation and make all of us come up, one at a time. When Angela objects on the grounds of religious reasons, she's asked to leave the auditorium. Her face is really red now and I'm kinda wondering how healthy that is.

Some of the boys try to act like they are skilled at this task, being overly suggestive in their movements. Some of the girls whore it up and to even try and describe it would be too painful. I unexpectedly flush when Edward is standing in the front and gently rolls the condom on the banana. I'm really getting frustrated with this reaction to him. Maybe I should just do as Charlie said and face him head on. I'm caught up in my thoughts of how to do that when Ms. Platt calls me up.

I stumble over Alice as I slide out of my seat and make my way down to Ms. Platt's table. I see a large yellow banana sitting there and a pile of unopened condoms next to it. I have a vivid imagination and the superimposed dick I've pictured on that piece of fruit has me slightly freaking out. I close my eyes, take a deep breath and quickly snatch a condom up from the table. I hear snickering from the kids sitting near by and a few catcalls, but I try to zone it out as I attempt to rip open the package.

If anyone hasn't seen the movie _The 40 Year Old Virgin_, then you'll be at a loss as to what I'm explaining next. I am atm channeling Andy's inability to successfully open a condom without my curiosity overwhelming me. After a few attempts, I've tugged it out of the package and the sticky rubber has me dancing it back and forth across my fingertips as I test the material. Thankfully, I was self-aware enough not to be stupid and lick my fingertips like him and was pulled out of my reverie by a loud cough next to me. I look up and Ms. Platt has an amused grin on her face as she nods to the banana next to me. I'm now aware of the full-blown laughter in the room and quickly grab the fruit and tug the condom over it. Its not perfect, but really what does it matter?

Ms. Platt tells me I did a good job and I quickly make my way back to my seat, wondering if they will throw out the banana or is it going to be used in the cafeteria's fruit salad. I glance up as I walk up the aisle and catch Edward's eye. I pause in shock because instead of a glare he's fully grinning at me and doing a slight head shake. I surprise myself by doing a slight grin and a shoulder shrug as I finish my walk back.

Alice has already made her way up front, ripped the condom package open with her teeth, picked up the banana and successfully rolled it on in less than ten seconds. The class is silent for a moment and then breaks out in applause as Alice comes back to join me. I don't want to know how she knew how to do that, but I give her one of my patented one eyebrow raises. She gives me a wink as she pushes her way into her seat.

The remainder of the seminar is short and as we file out of the auditorium, I hear Tyler shouting my name. The desire to run is strong, but instead I heel pivot and look at him pushing his way through. He tugs on my arm and pulls me to the side as he leans in close and asks me to the Prom. I am not sure why I ever was intimidated by this guy. His hair is a mess, but not in the sexy bed-head style. Its in the "I am too full of myself to think I have to try" style. I find myself not only disinterested but kind of disgusted by being in his vicinity.

I look him square in the eye and say, "Sorry Tyler, but I'm not interested. Thanks for asking though."

He looks stunned and slightly affronted. He can't seem to process that I've said no to him and so rather than wait for his slow mental processes to catch up, I shrug and walk away. I'm feeling really proud of myself and I have a slight hop in my step until I hear Edward's voice now. The courage I had is starting to slip away and I'm unsure what to do. The mutually shared humiliation of today's sex seminar should have leveled the playing field a bit, but instead I find myself in a panic. I fight it down and turn to face him. He has a determined look on his face and I can't decide if this conversation will finally resolve things or was it really going to fucking suck


	8. Chapter 8 Fruit Punch

I don't own Twilight, but you probably already knew that. If intent on suing me for any form of copyright, know that all you'll receive in the end is an overweight cat named Gizmo. If you're going to review, be kind or constructive. Those that flame will surely go to Hell and be forced to watch rick-roll Youtube videos for eternity. I suppose if that's your thing, flame away. Who am I to judge?

If you need more information on posting schedule, refer to one of the first four posts. If you're reading this and under 18, well you're probably not seeing anything you haven't said before. When I get to the smut, then I'll act more parental. Thank you for the sweet reviews. They never fail to make me smile. I'm new to posting, so if you have any tips on how to increase readership, please pass them along. I am enjoying the reviews and am happy to see some new readers. Clarification of writing process was shared during chapter 7. Despite the language being clearly R rated, we have now progressed into PG-13 in other aspects. If you're under 13 and reading this story, I'm concerned for you. Go out, ride a bike, eat ice cream, yell at your parents for being poor parental figures. Sure you can do that when you're older, but its more fun when you can't be kicked out.

Have a pleasant weekend everyone.

* * *

Chapter 8

I have a rather eclectic taste in music. Lately I've been listening to a lot of Bruno Mars. He reminds me of a young Michael Jackson before he turned into a creepy white woman accused of pedophilia. I get that he suffered from that whole de-pigmentation disease, but all that plastic surgery to compensate for it just made him look as disturbing as the accusations lobbed at him. In either case, Bruno Mars has been rocking my world. There is something just lyrically silly yet deep about that "Grenade" song and I've been humming it under my breath for weeks, much to my father's distaste. Sorry pops, but I will not be singing any Hank Williams, although I might give in on the Johnny Cash.

In any case, I was singing the "Grenade" lyrics under my breath as I hopped away from the train wreck that is Tyler. I had just reached the chorus when Edward interrupted my musical genius. After a wonderful internal debate as to if I can outrun him, I suck it up and allow him to drag me off to an empty classroom. So now I'm alone with Edward, in an empty classroom, the lights off but sun shining in around the trees outside the windows. Its casting strange shadows across Edward's face and if I concentrate hard enough I can imagine a bunny bouncing across his cheek towards his mouth. If I wasn't so worried about what he'd might say, I'd probably be screaming for Mr. Cottontail to run.

I drag my eyes back from his cheek and notice he's looking at me with one of his creepy looks and I feel my stomach roil. I realize suddenly how stupid it was to let myself be dragged into an empty classroom by a boy that seems mentally unbalanced. My eyes dart towards the closed door, but he's standing between the door and me and well, I already figured out he's probably faster than I am. I'm shook out of my thoughts when he finally starts talking.

"Do you ever stop trying to find ways to avoid me? Jesus, Bella! Will you stop eyeballing the door for just five minutes!"

I do the unexpected and blush. I am not a blusher. My blood flow is normal and travels normally and I normally don't blush. I AM NOT A BLUSHER BUT I'M BLUSHING FOR HIM! What the fuck is wrong with me? Yeah sure, we just bonded over latex covered bananas, but we aren't quite at that level yet.

I pinch my lips together with my teeth to avoid fish mouthing and just stare at him. If that was all he had to say, I should be out of here quickly. He suddenly looks sad and he's gripping his hair with clenched fingers. I want to tell him he'll go prematurely bald if he keeps it up, but I know better and use my rarely used verbal filter.

"What do you want Edward?"

He takes a deep breath, attempts to speak then exhales in a big gust and shakes his head. He tries again and final just kind of whispers at me, "Were you just playing with me the other day? You were, weren't you. Should have known better... stupid... fucking cupcake..."

I close my eyes and rub my temples in confusion. I know he's talking about my performance in the cafeteria where I molested the Hostess dessert. What I don't get is this whole, over-the-top intense reaction of his. The gossip girls' comments in the bathroom pretty much supported what I figured everyone thought. I had committed food porn in the cafeteria to their disgust. So why does Edward seem so sad instead of creeped out like usual?

"Edward, seriously, I am really confused right now. Instead of giving me your usual creepy, disgusted looks the past few weeks you've been acting, well, I don't know... different? I'm sorry if the fat girl eating a cupcake set you off your rocker, but what the fuck do you want from me?"

His head snaps up and glares at me before practically screaming at me. "What the fuck, Bella! I swear, I don't know what to do with you. Why can't you act like the other girls here and just, I don't know, hit on me or just put me out of my fucking misery?"

"What the fuck does that mean? You've been glaring at me all term! Every goddamn day in the cafeteria since the beginning of the school year, you've been eyeballing me like some kind of fungus! Why the fuck would I act like one of those fucking fluffheads and even try and hit on you? Unlike them, I have a bit of self-dignity!"

"A girl with self-dignity doesn't mouth fuck a cupcake in a high school cafeteria, Bella."

"Yeah, well a boy with any kind of manners wouldn't pick on the social outcast just because he's bored with the others around him."

"What are you talking about? Are you fucking nuts? When have I ever picked on you?"

"Haven't you been listening to a word I've been saying? Typical fucking boy!"

"You know what? No, I'm not listening because I'm too busy... ahh... fuck it!"

Our screaming, or in my case screeching, match is cut short as he strides quickly towards me, pushes me against the windows and kisses me. Hard.

My first kiss was Sam Maloney in Middle School. Erica Miller had a party and we were playing spin the bottle. His lips were wet and sloppy and his breath smelled like fruit punch. It wasn't a turn on in the least, but I was happy that I wasn't going to go into high school a virgin. Yeah, I was naive about sex until I found my mom's copy of "The Joy of Sex" my freshman year. A BIG reality check there. On a happy note, it led to my love of fanfiction pr0n, so woot.

In any case, I am now plastered against the cold glass of the windows while Edward is attempting to make a cannibalistic attempt on my face. On a positive note, his lips weren't wet or sloppy and his breath smelled of cinnamon. On a negative note, my back was freezing and I wasn't quite sure I was liking his caveman approach of claiming what he wants. I can't really move and he's too busy sucking my lips to let me speak. I think "You Tarzan, Me Jane" and start snickering against his face.

He pulls his face away briefly as his face scrunches up in consternation at my snickering. He's probably wondering if I'm laughing at his kissing skills. I want to inform him that his lips are just fine, but I've started picturing him in a leopard skin outfit and dragging a club and I can't help but full out laugh now. He shakes his head, goes to speak and then rethinks it. He pulls me away from the window and settles me down on top of the teacher's desk. He lets me finish my laughing fit as he rubs up and down my arms, warming them up.

I look up and he has a softer look on his face. His eyes seem brighter and his mouth is twisted in a wry smirk, like he's trying not to laugh at my laugh. One of his hands reaches up and brushes the hair that has fallen in my face back. My body is still shaking with aftershocks from the mix of adrenalin from our fight and the ridiculous thoughts going through my head. He leans forward and lightly kisses my lips again before pulling back and staring me straight in the eye.

"Do I even want to know what started that laughing fit?"

I begin to giggle again and whisper, "You Tarzan, Me Jane."

His eyes squeeze close as he starts shaking with laughter at my nonsensical reaction. I'm sure most girls would have been swooning. He kinda pulled off the whole 'I need you so desperately I can't wait anymore' move I read about in fanfiction. I'm sure Jessica would be currently trying to ingest his sperm at the moment in appreciation for his actions. I'm so buzzed that I can't even think about ingesting his sperm without breaking out again in a fit of giggles. I wonder if its the sperm or the ingesting part that set me off.

Before I completely lose all sense of emotional balance, I ask, "Why did you kiss me?"

Edward's laughter tapers off and he looks straight into my eyes and grins while he says, "It was the only way to shut you up."

I reach up to slap him, but he pulls my face in close and kisses me again. I open my mouth to object and I feel his tongue slip inside. I'm so shocked, I almost bite his tongue. His hand has wrapped into the hair at the base of my neck and he's pulled my face flat against his. I'm not sure what I'm feeling or what I'm supposed to do, but his other hand reaches around behind me and squeezes my butt. I whimper in response and that seems to spur him on even more. None of this makes sense and I give up trying to figure out what to do and just plunge my hands into his messy hair.

Edward seems to like that response and begins to grind himself against me as he mouth-fucks me. His tongue is soft and wet and insistent. When my tongue touches his, he grunts softly. I think I like his grunts, so I attempt to return the mouth-fucking favor. He groans when he rubs his body against mine and I think I like that too. Apparently my nipples do since they are standing at attention.

I'm unsure how long or how far this would have gone, but we are interrupted by the warning bell. We had just spent almost the entire lunch period making out. If I looked even half as disheveled as he does, there will be no way to hide it and I'm unsure if I want anyone to know. I don't know what to make of all this and I really hope he didn't just kiss me to shut me up. I think he's joking, but I'm feeling a mix of euphoria from the adrenalin rush and anxiety at the cluster-fuck this creates.

Edward steps back slowly, brushes the hair away from my face and lightly runs his fingertips across my now swollen lips. He grins and turns around to grab our backpacks. My mind is racing, wondering what to do now while I admire his butt as he leans over to lift my bag up. He slings both bags over his shoulders as he walks back to me and leans in and softly kisses my lips again. I can't help but smile in response to the sweet gesture.

"We'll talk about this more later, Bella. I promise, but right now whatever your thinking, and God knows I know you're over-thinking this, just let it go for a bit. Okay?"

I nod my head and he grabs my hand and pulls me off the desk. He's still carrying my backpack and I am not sure if I'm okay with the public displays of affection. Its sweet how he is still holding my hand as we walk to Bio together, but I'm aware that people are watching us. I stare at the tiles instead of the faces and as much as I want to say fuck all of you and stand with my back straight, full of confidence or some shit, I was never one for public scrutiny. It was why I enjoyed being assigned to the social non-entities. On a whole, I didn't matter to them and they didn't matter to me.

Now I have Tyler asking me out and Edward holding my hand. I'm no longer the unknown student and I don't know, even if I break away from Edward, if I can ever go back to that. All I wanted was to get through this last year and finally start living my own life. No longer subject to my mother's crazy whims or adolescent scrutiny. Sure, Charlie is great, but its still 'his' home, not mine. I didn't live here a majority of my life and I have no real roots to speak of.

In less than a year I could choose a university that fit me in a town that fit me while I lived in a home that fit me. I wouldn't have to feel that constant pressure to change who I am just to be accepted by those around me. I'm not ignorant and I don't think it'll be perfect, but just the idea of it always leaves me giddy. I want that independence desperately, but fuck if I know what else will be thrown in my way before I can escape to my perceived freedom. Now that I am no longer this obscure person to the social masses here, I know drama will be dumped on me and although I know I can rely on Alice to back me up, its probably really going to fucking suck.


	9. Chapter 9 Fried Fish

I don't own Twilight, but you probably already knew that. If intent on suing me for any form of copyright, know that all you'll receive in the end is an overweight cat named Gizmo. If you're going to review, be kind or constructive. Those that flame will surely go to Hell and be forced to watch rick-roll Youtube videos for eternity. I suppose if that's your thing, flame away. Who am I to judge?

If you need more information on posting schedule, refer to one of the first four posts. If you're reading this and under 18, well you're probably not seeing anything you haven't said before. When I get to the smut, then I'll act more parental. Thank you for the sweet reviews. They never fail to make me smile. I'm new to posting, so if you have any tips on how to increase readership, please pass them along. I am enjoying the reviews and am happy to see some new readers. Clarification of writing process was shared during chapter 7. Despite the language being clearly R rated, we have now progressed into PG-13 in other aspects. If you're under 13 and reading this story, I'm concerned for you. Go out, ride a bike, eat ice cream, yell at your parents for being poor parental figures. Sure you can do that when you're older, but its more fun when you can't be kicked out.

All I can say in addition is I enjoyed the outcome of this chapter. Have a good weekend and if you're Jewish, a Happy Passover.

* * *

Chapter 9

Jacob Black is the son of my father's best friend. I met him when I stayed with Charlie the first time. Alice's mom couldn't watch me that day, so Charlie dropped me down on the reservation with Billy, the aforementioned best friend. I argued that I was old enough to stay home alone, but apparently the last time he agreed to leave me unsupervised was fresh in his mind. I thought to surprise him by repainting the kitchen from the ugly yellow color with a pretty pink I found in the hall closet. It was left over from when Renee wanted to paint my baby room. He came home to find me passed out on the floor from paint fumes and the kitchen covered in bubblegum pink streaks. When I argued that the color was pretty, he agreed and then informed me I was grounded for the remainder of my stay.

Billy Black is kinda odd. He smiles constantly as he talks about fish and the weather and fish and the tribe history and fish and his children and oh, fish. I like fish, I like eating fish, and I even like fishing, but after three hours straight of fish talk, I was ready to punch him in the head no matter how nice he smiled. I excused myself to the bathroom and then slipped out the back door and ran down to the beach. Its not a real beach like we had in California. It was rocky and cold, but the air was fresh and despite there certainly being fish near by, I was not forced to listen to them. When I tired of exploring, I sat on a broken log and threw pebbles into the surf. As I was raising my arm back to chuck another stone, I heard a cough right behind me. I screamed and threw the stone as hard as I could at the sound. After I realized what I had done, I stared at the dark-skinned boy glaring at me as he informed me his father wanted me to come back in for lunch. He then stomped off back towards the house, rubbing his forehead and I was left there feeling badly for pelting the cute boy in the head.

At lunch Billy continued to speak at me as I tried to eat my fish fry while sneaking looks at the big lump on Jacob's forehead. Jacob stabbed his meal all the while glaring at me, I'm sure imagining I was the fish he was currently slaughtering. After lunch, I snuck off back to the beach and stayed there the rest of the day until Charlie picked me up later.

The following day I was back over at Billy's and Jacob was nowhere to be found. I was relieved until I discovered him playing football at what I claimed in my head as 'my spot' on the beach. It didn't matter that he probably lived there his whole life, it was 'my spot' and how dare he and his other friends play there! I started walking towards him ready to yell at him when I felt a sharp pain in my stomach and fell over whimpering. I heard loud shouting and arguing, but I was too busy crying to notice much. A short time later, I felt myself being lifted and carried back to what was Billy's house. When I finally could move a small bit, I slipped into the bathroom, raised my shirt and discovered a large black and blue bruise all over my abdomen. I started crying again and locked myself in the bathroom until Charlie showed up later.

Charlie eventually talked me into unlocking the door and as we walked out of the house, I saw Jacob sitting there on the front porch, smirking at me. To this day I don't know how I got the guts up to do it, but I walked right over to him, slapped him in the face and told him I hated him. I ran like a bat out of hell and locked myself in Charlie's police car while his father and mine stared at me in shock. When we got back home, I refused to answer Charlie's questions about what happened and insisted I'd run away if he ever sent me back to the Blacks again. I spent the remainder of my stay either with Alice or at the police station.

Right now I'm sitting in Biology class with Edward. His arm is draped across the back of my chair and I wonder if he even realizes that its probably too soon to be acting so possessive. We haven't had that talk he promised me and yet he's treating everything as a forgone conclusion. I find myself itching for a pebble in my hand and wanting to pelt him in the head while I run for safety. Unfortunately, the only thing nearby is a beaker full of chemicals and I may be off at times, but I'm not crazy or homicidal.

I can't concentrate on the lecture and my leg is bouncing up and down in a frantic, neurotic way. I'm staring at the clock on the wall and trying to force it with my brain to move faster, unaware that Edward is preparing for my attempt to escape by already packing up his books. When the bell rings, I leap out of my chair, scramble my things together and try to dash out of there only to find my hand fully engulfed in Edward's hand. He's smirking and shaking his head at me as I imagine laser beams coming out of my eyes and melting him into goo the color of his freakish hair.

I'm not normally as violent in nature as I am feeling today, but the whole fight vs flight reflex is in full effect. All my normal avenues of flight are being blocked, and even Alice, my best friend and confidant, isn't helping me. Edward is 'escorting' me to Gym and as we walk that way, I pass Alice in the hallway. I give her my big puppy-dog eyes, silently pleading for her intervention, but she just grins at me and shakes her head. I wish I had a pair of her combat boots so I could kick her in the fucking ass with them. Bitch.

When we reach the gym doors, I think I'm free from Edward's clutches only to find he's still holding my hand and tugging me back. I'm ready to start screaming at him when he leans in close and lightly caresses my face with his fingertips. Its sweet and romantic and disturbing. He looks determined and is about to kiss me when I feel myself jarred away from him and into the wall. I look around and see Lauren's bleach blonde hair bounce through the doors. I'm about to chase after her and punch her in the face, when Edward tugs me back to him.

"Forget her for now, okay? She deserves it, but we need to have that talk and I'd like to do it after school today. I know you're confused by all of this shit."

I dumbly nod my head in response and he sighs softly as he gives me a hug and a soft kiss on the forehead. He's right, I am completely confused and too lost in his touch to be self-conscience of anyone passing us by.

"After school, I promise Bella."

The warning bell rings and with that he gives me one last tight hug then slips down the hall to whatever class he normally has. I rush into the locker room, thankful I was delayed so that I could change in private. Most of the class is already by the volleyball courts, so I slip in and wait for my team assignment. Alice is standing next to me and poking me in the side. I haven't forgotten how I want to kick the bitch so I try to stealthily do so, but Coach Clapp catches me 'acting up' and separates Alice and I onto different teams. She gives me the finger as she rushes to the other net and I am now aware I am surrounded by a bunch of mean girls all giving me dirty looks.

I am not athletically inclined, but I can walk across a smooth surface just fine, because I don't suffer from an inner-ear problem. I read a story once where a girl was so clumsy she fell over everything and I remember thinking 'WTF?' before moving on to a better book. I am happy that I can perform basic tasks without self-mutilation. I any case, I can play and actually enjoy volleyball. I'm too short to spike the ball at the net, but I can serve like its nobody's business.

Through some continual fucked up karma state, I end up on Lauren's team. She reminds me of a wannabe Heidi Montag. Her hair is bleached and she has a spray-on tan no matter what she claims to the contrary. The sun does not shine enough in Forks to produce tans and besides, the orange streaks show. Lauren's nails are long and painted a dark blood red. If the whole look wasn't so ridiculous, I'd be creeped out. She's yelling at me to move my 'fat ass' and I get in the open spot directly behind her.

Despite Angela's wholesome ways, she and I get along fairly well. She has a low tolerance for uncalled-for rudeness. She gives me a wink as she serves from the other side of the net and as the ball goes flying over the net, it bounces back and forth briefly before she scores a point. She serves again and as the ball comes near Lauren and I, I notice Lauren is raising her claw-like nails ready to swing towards me. She's using the game as a way to disguise an attack on me and no, that shit won't fly. The ball is set up perfectly for me and I quickly thank Angela in my head as I spike the volleyball right into Lauren's face.

A loud screech, a gush of blood and a shocked gym room. The volleyball looks like that 'Wilson' volleyball from _Castaway_ in a fucked up kind of way. I repress my giggles and instead smirk as Jessica drags Lauren to the nurse's office. Coach Clapp raises his eyebrow at me and I kinda shrug.

"She got in the way of the ball."

"Uh huh."

Angela pipes up from across the way and says, "She did Coach Clapp. Honest."

Neither of us have lied and I know its the only reason Angela has backed me up. I give her a grateful smile as I'm sent out to get the janitor to clean up the mess of blood. With a happy hop in my step, I head down the hallway. That overwhelming feeling of satisfaction of nailing that bitch in the face reminds me of when I slapped Jacob and the big ass grin I sport for the rest of the day says everything. Don't fuck with me.

I know I have the talk coming up with Edward and I may have backlash coming around once Lauren has a chance to formulate a plan, but I find that bit of confidence I lost recently is restored. I missed it so much and that reassurance that I can handle myself reminds me that despite whatever comes over the next few days, I will survive. Lauren will surely come up with something, but the knowledge of her nose being swollen and her face black and blue makes me not quite care. And perhaps if Edward and I can have a good talk and can establish some guidelines with all of Edward's touchy-feely shit, life after all is not really going to fucking suck.


	10. Chapter 10 Coca Cola

I don't own Twilight, but you probably already knew that. If intent on suing me for any form of copyright, know that all you'll receive in the end is an overweight cat named Gizmo. If you're going to review, be kind or constructive. Those that flame will surely go to Hell and be forced to watch rick-roll Youtube videos for eternity. I suppose if that's your thing, flame away. Who am I to judge?

If you need more information on posting schedule, refer to one of the first four posts. If you're reading this and under 18, well you're probably not seeing anything you haven't said before. When I get to the smut, then I'll act more parental. Thank you for the sweet reviews. They never fail to make me smile. I'm new to posting, so if you have any tips on how to increase readership, please pass them along. I am enjoying the reviews and am happy to see some new readers. Clarification of writing process was shared during chapter 7. Despite the language being clearly R rated, we have now progressed into PG-13 in other aspects. If you're under 13 and reading this story, I'm concerned for you. Go out, ride a bike, eat ice cream, yell at your parents for being poor parental figures. Sure you can do that when you're older, but its more fun when you can't be kicked out.

The response to last chapter was wonderful. Thank you for all the positive reviews. I like that people enjoy the strong Bella like I do. We all have our emotional ups and downs and I hate when a character is one dimensional or even just two dimensional, hence why she seems so mercurial. Whats the point of reading about them if you can't relate in any fashion? I'm curious as to what you think of this chapter in the sense of where it ends. Its longer than I normally post, so enjoy my extra verboseness.

Happy Easter to anyone that celebrates. Am I the only one disturbed by the fact the holiday is celebrated by a giant rabbit that poops chocolate eggs? Chocolate eggs? Really? I know it was based on pagan holidays, but couldn't they have put a bit more effort into converting it in some other fashion. I'll stick to eating the jelly beans :)

* * *

Chapter 10

The last time I moved to Forks, Charlie bought me the rusted hunk of junk I now drive. He bought it off Billy who claimed that Jacob fixed it up for me so it was 'like new.' Like new my fucking ass. The piece of shit doesn't even go over 50 mpg. And I know that once Jacob heard it was going to be mine, he sabotaged it somehow. I drove the rust-bucket over to Hale's Autobody the very next morning.

There are a total of three auto mechanics within a thirty mile radius of Forks. The first is a specialty shop designed to work on the large lumber trucks that joyfully carry the now butchered trees from our lovely environment to lumber yards to convert it into over-priced Ethan Allen furniture, Walmart put-it-together, or toilet paper. The thought that I'm wiping my ass with a tree from nearby makes me sad. In addition, the diesel exhaust is disgusting and, although I'm not a die-hard environmentalist, I internally wince every time I hear one of these vehicles traveling along the road.

The second is Call's Autos. The building is fairly rundown and located just on the border of the reservation. The entire staff consists of members of the reservation, including Jacob, who rejoiced in ripping of the pale faces. Until Hale's started up, it was the only logical place to get your car fixed unless you wanted to pay the ridiculous prices to tow the vehicle up to Port Angeles. I can't blame them for trying to get more money off us considering our ancestors stole their land, murdered their villagers and tried to decimate their culture. At the same time, charging me forty percent more than the actual labor and parts makes me feel raped.

Hale's Autobody opened about five years ago. The rumor mill enjoys discussing the latest gossip in regards to its female owner and head mechanic. Rosalie Hale grew up in this shitty town and married a rich, abusive asshole to escape it. When he came home one night drunk and tried to beat the shit out of her, she 'accidentally' stabbed and killed him with the butcher knife she was using to make dinner in an attempt to ward him off. Despite his rich family's lawyers trying to stop her from taking his money and property, she was successful in court and promptly liquidated all of value and moved back home. She bought a small house down the street from Charlie and opened an auto shop in the heart of main street.

Rosalie Hale is what my father politely calls a 'spitfire.' She's what other people in town call a bitch. When she took one look at my newly purchased rust-bucket, she swore up a storm and said the previous mechanic was a fucking moron. It was obvious Jacob had sabotaged the truck so that it ran poorly. I had Rosalie write up an itemized list so I could show Charlie how he was ripped off. It was clear he was hurt by their selfish actions and after a rather loud phone call in which he demanded a lot of the money back from the Blacks, he gave Rosalie permission to start fixing the rust-bucket.

She let me hang out at the garage and ask questions while she worked and that's how I spent the short remainder of my summer before school started. Its nice when you find a kindred spirit in life, although the thought that I'd have to stab my future husband to death makes me a bit queasy. I asked her once what really happened and she gave me a dark look.

"Some things you just don't want to know, Bella. Some people aren't who you think they are even when you want to. Sometimes they are all kinds of fucked up you've never even heard of and the best thing you can do is run like fucking hell. And when you can't run, you fight. Remember that, Bella. Always fight back or the fucked up will fuck you up even more. Now stop asking me about this shit and hand me that socket wrench."

I was called to Ms. Platt's office right before final bell and I am now sitting in a chair staring at a picture of a pair of pretty strawberry-blonde twins. I can't tell if they are her kids or she and a sister. I don't know much about her except her first name. The only reason I know that, is she asked me to call her Tanya before asking me why I hit Lauren in the face.

I point out that it was the ball not me that hit Lauren in the face. Surely if she did not want said ball in said face, she would have moved said face away from said ball. Tanya responds back wondering why Lauren didn't move given her extensive knowledge of balls. I point out to her that Lauren is probably so used to balls flying in her face given her busy social life that she must have easily been confused by the situation. Given Lauren's demonstration during our recent sex education seminar, Tanya is forced to agree with me and lets me leave her office scott free. I fucking love our Vice Principal. How many school officials do you know support the abuse of skanky bitches?

I head to my locker and see Edward waiting by it. Giving him a slight nod, I dump my stuff inside, grab my homework and forestall his grabby hands by grabbing one of his and dragging his stupefied ass off to the parking lot. When I get to my truck, I dump my stuff inside and turn to look at Edward. He's half way between his usual lopsided grin and a befuddled look on his face.

"Edward, snap out of it. Where do you want to talk?"

He shakes his head and then replies, "Well would you be more comfortable at my place, your place or neutral ground?"

"Are you planing on molesting me again at any point during this meeting?"

He grins and says, "Its quite possible although please, don't call it molestation. It makes me feel like the creepy uncle or some shit. Like in that vampire series on HBO."

"You watch True Blood?" I ask with a bit of shock and suspicion. I probably shouldn't be either since its basically soft core porn, but I've yet to meet a guy who will admit to his knowledge of the show's storyline beyond Sookie being naked. Well that and her big ass gap in her front teeth, but I still think she's pretty. It gives her character.

"Yeah."

"Wow.

"Yup. Anyway, given my desire to kiss you again, I'm guessing you want private. So my place or yours?"

"That sounds like a pickup line, Edward."

"In a way it is. Stop stalling already and choose. The sooner we get out of here, the sooner we talk and the sooner I can get to kissing you."

"Nice to know your priorities."

"Yup, so where to?"

I nibble on my lip as I try to decide the lesser of two evils. Charlie won't be home yet so my house is safe enough. His house might be empty, but then again it might not. And do I want to be alone with Edward? Is it really safe? I don't know what he wants out of this talk. I don't even know what I want and honestly my head is really hurting now. Ultimately its the headache that decides it and I say my place. I figure I can at least kick him out if the headache doesn't get any better and I don't have to drive home then.

I climb into my rust-covered rust-bucket and make my way home with Edward tailing me. I'm fairly certain he knows where I live. I think everyone in this podunk town knows where the Chief-of-Police lives. Then again he could probably be Joe Shmoe and everyone would know because everyone is in everyone else's business here. God I miss anonymity.

I park in the driveway and Edward pulls up in front of the sidewalk. We walk inside and I'm immediately confronted by Snowball giving Edward the stink-eye. His tail is standing up straight, hair on end, nails out and ready to attack. Snowball isn't a very friendly cat. He likes his private space, his private time and the only allowances outside of that is feeding, litter cleaning and Alice's worship. Personally I think Alice drugs him with catnip, but meh. I can't decide now if I want to intervene on Edward's behalf or stand back and see how he reacts to a flying ball of fur with sharp claws.

The decision is made for me as Snowball takes a flying leap right at Edward's face. To my surprise, Edward successfully dodges the flying menace and grabs him mid-air by the scruff of the neck. Snowball briefly struggles and then hangs limp as Edward dangles him up in front of me.

"This thing yours?" he says with a quirky smile. I debate responding sarcastically and asking him no and if he was used to pussies flying at his face, but then decide its probably a little too soon. I admit the grabbing out of the air was impressive though.

"Yes. Edward meet Snowball. Snowball, Edward."

He lifts Snowball up so that they are now eye to eye. They stand there for a minute glaring at each other. Snowball finally looks down and begins wiggling again. Edward places him on the top of the couch and backs away as the angry feline races up to my room. That psycho cat better not be tearing my shit up or I'll be feeding his ass to the larger animals in the woods nearby.

Edward mutters, "Human one, cat zero."

I give him the eyebrow raise and nod towards the living room as I indicate for him to take a seat on the couch while I grab us some cokes. When I return to the living room, I see him looking at my pictures on the mantle. Its sweet at first, but then I notice he's staring at the one taken of me last fall. Its a closeup of me during my camping trip with Charlie up near the Seven Lakes Basin. My hair is a mess and all over the place while my face is bright red from exhaustion. My eyes are bright and I have a goofy smile. Charlie loves this picture, but I've asked him several times to take it down. I don't like pictures of me in general, but this one I look a mess in.

I give a little cough and Edward, turns around and smiles at me as he goes and takes a seat on one end of the couch. I hand him a can and plop down on the opposite side. He pops open his can, takes a deep drink and quickly follows it with a loud burp. It breaks the tension that had settled in the room and I feel more prepared to talk.

"Okay so how do we start this? I don't know about you, but I've never had a heart to heart with a boy before and this is just all kinds of weird."

He grins and says, "I've never had a heart to heart with a boy before either, Bella. You let me know how that goes, mkay?"

I squint my eyes and glare at him as I swing one of my feet over to kick at him. He grabs my foot mid-swing and holds it briefly as I squirm. This is strangely similar to his actions with Snowball just before and I wonder if that makes me a pussy. I snicker despite myself and he releases my foot as he sees me giggling instead of glaring.

Edward takes another sip of his soda and then asks me to explain my point of view from the beginning of the school year. I consider censoring it, but decide its better to just be open and blunt and so I tell him. I tell him everything. Even about wondering if he was gay. I save that bit for when he goes to take another drink and enjoy his attempts at avoiding to spit soda all over himself and the couch. Its petty, but its funny and that's what he gets for holding my foot and holding my hand and probably holding something else eventually without my permission.

When I finish, I finish abruptly. I leave things dangling out there so to speak and its now his turn to bare soul. I'm anxious to hear what he has to say, so I play with the loose threads on the afghan next to me as I listen. I'm determined to just listen instead of cutting in. He was considerate and let me word vomit, so I'll return the favor.

Edward clears his throat, scratches at the top of his head and then tilts his head to the side as he gives me a wondering glance.

"You thought I was gay?" he asks incredulously.

I wave my hand back and forth in a maybe fashion. He squints and glares before letting out a big huff of air and begins to return my word vomit.

"Yeah, I get it sort of. I mean all those girls at school keep hitting on me and what guy in his right mind doesn't at least take advantage of that, you know? I've dated some, but I mean look at the football team. Who in their right mind wants to be like them? I sure as shit don't want a permanent STD."

He rubs his eyes and then continues.

"Of course I knew of you before this year. We don't get many new people in Forks and last year until the McCarthys moved here, you were the fresh meat. I don't know what you did to Jessica to get her on your case, but wow was she talking shit about you after only a couple of weeks. I didn't pay much attention to her bullshit, because anyone that knows Jess knows if her lips are moving she's lieing. But yeah, I didn't know what to make of you."

Right now I'm glaring and and imagining spiking a volleyball into Jessica's face. There aren't many scenarios in which I could get away with it, but a girl can dream. I know the mean girls will be avoiding me during gym for awhile, so I'll have to back-burner this. But do not doubt, the bitch is going to face-plant somehow.

"You are so quite in school and all I ever see is you with Alice. And Alice is fucking scary as all hell. I don't think you were here yet, but when Eric tried hitting on Alice during freshman year, she fucking shot him with a nail gun during shop class. She didn't even try playing it off as an accident. And hell, if you're best friends with her, I couldn't figure if you were just blind to her violent side or just as crazy."

I want to speak up in defense of Alice, but I know how the rumor mill works. Even if I explain the situation, its spread so far in favor of Eric it won't make a difference now. She told me about how Eric hit on her. He tried first a cheesy fucking line, then a more direct one and then finally tried to grope her breast. She then reached over to the shop equipment and proceeded to nail his hand to the workstation with the nail gun. Sure it was extreme, but he deserved it. She did 'fuck' him just like he asked.

"I saw you over the summer when you babysat for the Newtons. Did you know they live next door to me?"

I shook my head at his question and frowned slightly. I babysat for seven year old Michelle a good portion of the summer while her parents and older brother worked at their camping goods store. They even gave me a discount when Charlie and I went shopping for our camping trip. Michelle was fun to watch and we frequently played in the backyard with their dog Marcus. Yes, the Newtons do that fucked up tradition of naming all their kids, animals, body parts, etc with the same first letter. Its endearing at first and then irksome once the novelty wears off.

"I'd see you running around in the backyard. That stupid fucking dog always barking while you and Michelle would jump in the sprinklers. Honestly, I just wanted that dog to shut the fuck up at first. I didn't realize it was you until I looked out my bedroom window over the fence and saw you laughing. You were red from the sun, your hair soaked and I swear I couldn't stop staring. You think the look I give you is creepy? Imagine knowing its creepy and yet still not being able to look away. I honestly started hating myself a little bit for how stalkerish I was acting. Anytime I heard that dog bark, I'd race to look into their backyard."

I'm fish-mouthing, but I don't care. I'm a bit dumbfounded and creeped out that Edward was watching me run around in the sprinklers in nothing but a pair of shorts and tank top. Sure its a very boy type thing to do, but I never considered myself the target of such voyeurism. Before I can finish processing this, I notice he's continued talking.

"... but you just looked so, gah I don't know, but I just couldn't stop looking and then the summer ended and I was bummed, but then I remembered you'd be back at school and I couldn't wait to see you again and there you were, eating a fucking hot dog and all I could do was stare at your lips as you chewed and be disgusted with myself for acting so fucking stalkerish still. When you looked up and saw me staring I was sure you were disgusted with me too. I just didn't know what to do with all this, you know?"

I shake my head, even more confused.

"I never expected to be interested in someone here, let alone you. Don't get me wrong, cause fuck I'm the one with the obsession here, but you're different Bella. And I don't mean just your body. Your attitude, your friends, your intelligence and just generally how you don't act fake. And I know I'm rambling right now and I don't think I can stop cause all I can do is just keep imagining kissing you cause my God are your lips soft and you taste so good..."

I've had enough for now and I return the favor he gave me early and shut him up with a kiss. I'm leaning over him, his arms wrapped around my waist as he's kissing me desperately. I don't know what to make of all this and I know he hasn't finished talking yet, but I know he needs a break. He looked like he was ready to have a heart attack and how would I explain that to his parents. "Sorry Dr and Mrs Cullen but your son died from a heart attack while explaining to me why he was stalking me for the past four months. I'm sorry for your loss and hope you don't mind if I submit these therapy bills to you?" Yeah I don't think so.

Edward pulls his lips away, panting deeply as he tries to regain his composure. He brings one hand up to my face and cradles my cheek as he kisses me softly. I like that he's feeling a bit calmer and before I can say anything, he pulls away slightly.

"I'm not finished telling you everything, Bella. I really want to, but its almost five and I need to get home before Mom does. Otherwise there will be questions and I'm really not interested in talking to her yet. Not until you and I are clear, okay?"

I nod my head and we help each other up off the couch and I escort him towards the front door. I notice Snowball glaring down at him from the top of the stairs, but he makes no move to attack. Despite Edward's statement earlier, I doubt Snowball is out of the game so easily. If, no, when he comes over next he'll have to be careful.

Edward gives me a tight hug and another soft kiss as he walks swiftly to his car. I'm a mess of emotions and things are still confusing, but I notice he pauses before taking off to wave at me from inside the driver's seat. It gives my chest a tight fluttering feeling and I feel a bit lightheaded. I do not want to turn into one of those sappy girls that lose themselves in their boyfriends. Oh God, is Edward my boyfriend? What fucked up alternate reality did I just land in to. I stumble back inside and close the door as I go to clean up the drinks we left out. When I finish I stumble upstairs to my room. My heart is still pounding, my head is still aching and if Snowball coughed up a hairball in my bed its really going to fucking suck


	11. Chapter 11 Lasagna

I don't own Twilight, but you probably already knew that. If intent on suing me for any form of copyright, know that all you'll receive in the end is an overweight cat named Gizmo. If you're going to review, be kind or constructive. Those that flame will surely go to Hell and be forced to watch rick-roll Youtube videos for eternity. I suppose if that's your thing, flame away. Who am I to judge?

If you are new to this story, welcome. Drop a review so I know whether you like this or think it sucks. You're welcome to your opinion although I question your mental status when you take the time to bash random strangers. Just saying. I was a little sad at the fewer reviews last chapter. Was the revelation of Edward's voyeurism not to your liking? It felt less creepy to me than the whole 'I'm sneaking into your room and watching you sleep at night' thing. In any case, this chapter is dedicated to the Snowball lovers.

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Chapter 10

When I moved in with Charlie for the second time, I was thirteen. I was also moody, indignant, resentful, angry and deathly afraid my summer would involve Jacob and fish guts. I made my preferences clear on the matter and Charlie accommodated as best he could. The only time I had to be around fish-guts was when Charlie was cleaning his own catches in the kitchen. As for Jacob, Charlie insisted I come along during the bonfire nights down at the reservation. When I reflect back on it, I think Charlie and Billy were hoping Jacob and I would develop more romantic feelings for each other instead of the deep-seated hatred already festering there.

I admit it was cool watching the bonfire, but I didn't have much fun. Jacob had spread the word to the other kids to avoid me and so, instead of hanging out and getting to know the others, I was stuck sitting on a log and listening to old people talk. I was bored shitless.

Charlie noticed after awhile how depressed I was and took me out one rainy Saturday. He didn't mention where we were going, only that it was a surprise. When we pulled up to a series of strip-malls outside Port Angeles, I rolled my eyes and told Charlie in my worst valley-girl accent possible, "How like totally awesome!" He smacked me upside the head and dragged my muttering ass inside.

We first went clothes shopping which was awkward all around. Teenagers don't shop with their dads, they shop with their daddy's credit cards. We then went to the local tackle store and yeah, it was boring. I was patient for the first two minutes, but when Charlie and the old man behind the counter began debating the qualities of two different brands of flies, I waited outside in the drizzle.

Lunch was in a little cafe nearby and then we stopped in a used bookstore. I picked out a few random books based on their covers and as we headed back to the car, I saw a girl sitting outside the Wagner's with a box of kittens. I doubted Charlie would let me get a pet given he would end up taking care of it after I left, but I couldn't help looking. As I examined the squirming, mewling little balls of fur, I noticed one sitting in the corner mostly unmoving except when to bat another kitten that came to close. He was a black and white tuxedo and had the prettiest green eyes. When I went to pick him up, he batted my hands at first and then snuggled into my chest. I looked up at Charlie who had a wry look on his face. I put on my best puppy-dog eyes until Charlie gave in.

After a quick detour into Wagner's for some litter and kitten food, we rode back home mostly in silence. Charlie asked me what I was naming the cat, but I didn't have an answer until later that night when I started reading one of the books I picked up earlier, _Animal Farm_. I suppose he could have been a Napoleon, and given his attitude it would have fit him better, but I was embracing my emo-side and settled on Snowball. Besides, I strongly dislike the French. Too pretentious.

It's the morning after my discussion and tonsil hockey session with Edward and I've woken up early. I joyfully shut off Asshole before he had to ring and pet Snowball since he's curled into my side. I was fortunate to come up to my room last night to discover only a depressed kitty and not a mess. I had cuddled him for an hour before passing out early. We both seem to be back in sorts this morning although I feel a bit jittery, like I downed a massive espresso or three.

I showered, threw on something random from my closet, grabbed a pop-tart and made my way out to my truck. The piece of shit wouldn't start. I glared for a moment and tried again. No go. I chanted, "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck" under my breath as I stomped inside and called Alice's cell for a lift. She had already gotten to school and said she'd send a ride my way. I wasn't in the mood for her mind-games this morning so I hung up and called Rosalie to arrange a tow. I also called Charlie and let him know the rust-bucket was being towed to Hale's. I may be irrational at times, but I'm fucking responsible. I think its why Charlie lets me get away with so much. As I've said before, he's not a neglectful parent so I'm glad I've given him a reason to trust me.

As I sit on the porch and wait for Alice to get her lazy ass here, I listened to my Ipod and sketch in my notebook. Ms. Daniels wasn't too impressed with my Jessica Rabbit project and informed me I shouldn't let my talent be represented by social media. I rolled my eyes when she walked away. I accept I'm a child of the media generation. I like my completely useless knowledge of pop culture and if I ever went on Jeapordy, I'd rock those categories. As I debate how to incorporate this attitude into my next project, I hear a car pull up to the curb. My jitters are back in full effect as I see Edward's shiny fucking Volvo. Yes, it's a mom car, but it's prettier than my piece of shit vehicle and runs better so yeah, a bit of envy here.

I grab my shit and walk to his car. He's already waiting outside the passenger door holding it open and I wonder again how this became my life. It's too fucking surreal. He gives me a quick kiss and I slide in as he closes the door behind me. My leg is bouncing a mile a fucking minute as he makes his way back into the driver's seat and we head to school. I try to focus on the classical music playing in his car, but I'm too curious as to how he ended up picking me up.

Eventually, I just suck it up and ask, "Why?"

"Alice."

"How?"

"She's fucking scary. I told you that already."

I nod my head at his statement and leave it at that.

We pull into a spot near the entrance and he yet again pulls out the manners by escorting me out of the car. I feel the skanks shooting their laser beams at me with their eyes. The boys are looking at me with a curious look and probably wondering if Edward is with me because I give him sex, or maybe just head. The life of a high schooler is never drama free. I sigh loudly and Edward drapes his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close and giving me a gentle hug. I wonder if he is honestly aware of how awkward this fucking shit is.

I see Lauren sitting at a picnic table as we walk towards the main doors and I snicker. She has two black-eyes, her nose is swollen and a piece of white tape is wrapped across the bridge. I'm happy I broke the bitch's nose, but I bet she's playing up the role and exaggerated the damage by adding in that tape. I've been in enough hospital emergency rooms to know that's not how you tape a broken nose.

Edward notices me snickering and shakes his head when he sees the mess. He gives my shoulder a squeeze and we slip inside to commence another day of fuckery. Edward meets up with me outside each of my classes and escorts me to the next. It's sweet but it feels rehearsed, like he thinks he has to act this way or something. I don't understand what motivates him to act so chivalrous. Most boys are age are fairly neglectful of their girlfriends. Maybe he's trying to impress me since our relationship is undeclared at the moment and I'm not a sure thing.

The lunch bell rings and I am walking to the cafeteria with him. I forgot my lunch again thanks to the car fuckery this morning and so I get in line for the hot meal. I wonder who comes up with the menu, because I can not picture anyone finding it appealing. I'm not overly picky with my food, but I know better than to eat that shit. And since Edward is here, I don't want to risk eating another hot dog in front of him. I clearly remember yesterday's comment about how that set off all the glares. I grab an apple, a bag of chips and a Snapple and make my way towards my regular table when Edward grabs my arm and gives a pull.

I refuse to sit with those assholes he normally sits with so I glare, emphatically shake my head, and drag his ass over to Alice and my table. I notice Ben is already sitting there and chatting quietly with Alice about the latest episode of _Glee_. All three of us are Gleeks and we follow it religiously. I've questioned Ben's sexuality after discovering his love for the show, but he swears he just enjoys the music, oh and Santana. I can understand that. She's worth considering going bi for.

The conversation suddenly halts as Edward and I sit across from each other, me next to Alice and Edward next to Ben. Ben is staring at Edward with wide eyes, like a deer seeing a sixteen wheeler coming right for it. Alice is grinning while she rips apart her cheese and bologna sandwich into small pieces. I give her a glare as I smack her upside the head.

She glares back at me and I respond, "That's for this morning, bitch."

Alice rolls her eyes and bites into one of the sandwich pieces. She then responds, "It's not like Mr. Hotstuff there minded. He practically raced to his car when I asked him to get you."

Edward clears his throat and I notice his face is flushed. Before I can reply to Alice, he says, "Alice, you're fucking scary as all hell. Do you honestly think I'd tell you no?"

"That's besides the point. You wanted to go, I wanted you to go, and Bella got her lift. Why the fuck are you two being emo-bitches about this? Shut the fuck up about it already."

I want to smack her again, but she has a point so I shrug and begin in on my chips. Ben somehow recovers and continues commenting on the "Britney/Brittany" episode. I am mid gulp on my Snapple when I hear Edward join in.

"Personally, I think Brittany is much hotter than Britney. And she can dance amazingly well."

I am choking on my drink as Ben nods sagely in Edward's direction. Alice is snickering at the three of us as she's pounding my back in a barely veiled attempt to abuse me. I swat her hand away and stuff my mouth with chips. Edward is eating a turkey sandwich and continuing the conversation with Ben in a completely relaxed manner. I feel like I fell down the rabbit hole.

Lunch continues on in this Carroll-esque situation until the warning bell rings. Ben and Edward have bonded in the short period of time and I try my best to recenter myself as I walk with Edward to Bio. I can't help but stare at him as we wait for class to start. I'm over thinking all this and I know it, but it just doesn't make any fucking sense.

Edward notices me eyeballing him and he mouths, "What?" at me as Dr. Banner begins today's lecture. I shake my head and drift into a state of numbness. The remainder of the day continues in the manner the morning went. I even float through Gym, despite Angela's questioning looks and the mean girls' glares.

Edward drives me home and I invite him in. I notice that Rosalie has had my truck towed and I'm glad to know I'll get it back soon. I grab Edward and I cokes and as I walk back into the living room, I see he's having a staring contest with Snowball again. I watch the two face off until Snowball growls, turns around, sticks his tail straight in the air and walks over to Charlie's recliner. Apparently, its human 2, cat 0 now.

We settle in without talking and work on our homework. I put on the _Glee_ playlist on my Ipod and we chill out to remakes of pop music legends. I finish my homework first and watch Edward's face as he concentrates on his Pre-Calc. He shoos me away since my staring is making it difficult for him to concentrate. I decide to make lasagna for dinner so I get started in the kitchen. I'm about to clean the dirty dishes in the sink while the lasagna bakes in the oven, when Edward comes into the kitchen and wraps his arms around me. I resist the urge to fight it and just settle into his arms. This all feels too homey and domestic and practiced.

He rests his chin on top of my head and says, "Am I invited to dinner?"

I grin despite myself and ask, "Do you want to be invited to dinner?"

"Invitations incited to impromptu inquiries infrequently include innocent intentions."

I turn my head and look up at him, raising my eyebrow at his alliteration. His indication that if he stayed for dinner, he'd be staying for more than just food makes my chest tighten. That combined with the ease in which he recited his alliterated response has now turned me on beyond belief and I begin to kiss the fuck out of him. His shock at my response is quickly abandoned and he presses me up against the cabinets by the sink as we get our make-out on. We break apart as I hear Charlie's patrol car pull into the driveway.

"Are you staying for dinner?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Yes."

"Then yes."

I grin at him as I grab the potholders to pull the now ready lasagna out of the oven to cool. I hear Charlie enter the front door as I get out the makings for a salad.

"Bella? Who's car is in the driveway?"

I call back, "It's Edward's, Dad."

"Who's Edward?"

"You know Edward Cullen. My boyfriend?"

Edward's eyebrows shoot up as he hears Charlie growl out, "What?" from the entry hall. I poke my head out from the kitchen doorway and repeat again, "Boyfriend, Charlie."

My father makes his way into the kitchen and sees Edward standing nearby, setting the table while I am slicing the tomato to go in the salad. Edward is all kinds of nervous as Charlie glares at him in suspicion. I cough at Charlie who comes over and gives me a kiss on the cheek and then places his gun holster on the table next to his seat. I almost feel guilty for putting Edward in this position, but he did ask for this in a roundabout kind of way. And his anxiety is nice to see. I'm tired of being the one constantly in a state of shock and its about fucking time that changes. Lets see him sweat for once!

"Charlie, put your gun away please. I don't want it on the table during dinner."

My father snorts at me and goes to hang it up. In the brief interim Charlie is gone, Edward whispers to me in a panic, "What the fuck was that, Bella? Do you want him to shoot me?"

I giggle and shake my head as I place the finished salad on the table with the lasagna. After the shitty lunch I had today, I was happy to see my appetite return as the boys settled into seats across from each other. I dish out a large helping of salad and lasagna for myself and dig in as I wait for the proverbially bullets to fly. Dinner will be great for me and fun for Charlie, but for Edward it's really going to fucking suck.


	12. Chapter 12 Ice Cream

I don't own Twilight, but you probably already knew that. If intent on suing me for any form of copyright, know that all you'll receive in the end is an overweight cat named Gizmo. If you're going to review, be kind or constructive. Those that flame will surely go to Hell and be forced to watch rick-roll Youtube videos for eternity. I suppose if that's your thing, flame away. Who am I to judge?

If you are new to this story, welcome. Drop a review so I know whether you like this or think it sucks. You're welcome to your opinion although I question your mental status when you take the time to bash random strangers. Just saying.

In other news, I just finished my first semester back in university after being out for the past thirteen years. Being a returning adult student wasn't nearly as daunting as I thought and I got straight As in all my classes. In celebration of this, I'll be inserting an outtake sometime this week. I'm going to treat my outtakes a little differently than others might, so I hope you enjoy it.

**Finally, if you haven't noticed my updated profile page, Creepy Looks and Cafeteria Food was nominated for 5 Sunflower Awards. If you were the person that nominated me, please let me know so I can thank you directly. If you wish to support this story, please consider casting your vote. Voting is open from May 4th to May 25th. Winners will be announced June 4th. The link to the site is on my profile page. I don't like the whole bribing for reviews/votes thing people do, but I'm feeling a tad hypocritical so I'll just say for each award won, I'll post an outtake. **

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Chapter 12

I enjoy the sounds of the ocean. I know its all stereotypical and girly and shit, but seriously, I do. Renee used to take me to the beach with her when she would go to work at her tattoo station near the Santa Monica pier. The first time she took me, I was three and she forgot to put sunscreen on me and I was crying for weeks from the second degree sunburns. When I finally healed, she took me with her again, although I was slathered in this heavy white sunscreen that did not dry clear. I looked like a fucked up ghost and I had fun running up and down along the beach yelling "Boo" at the people I passed. I figured if she was going to make me suffer like this, I'd return the favor. I was a smart-ass even then.

As I got older, Renee got more and more frustrated with me because my skin just would not tan. I no longer had streaks of white sunscreen covering me, just a respectable SPF 40 that smelled of coconuts. I stood out like a light bulb among all the roasting people and I don't fucking care what anyone else says, as a child all you want to do is fit in. You want friends to go play with and people to stop screaming at your mother for being so horrible as to send my white skin out in the burning sun like that. I felt like a sideshow freak and all I wanted to do was hide, so I did.

Even though Renee became a teacher, our weekends and summers were filled with the beach and her dreams of henna stardom. One afternoon when I was six, I made my way under the pier with my copy of "The Lorax" and my stuffed bear, Boo Boo I couldn't read all the words, but I was determined to learn and I sat there studying the book until I was too tired to stay awake. I woke hours later, my head resting on Boo Boo and hugging my book to my chest. I didn't move at first, instead just listening to the ocean waves and the seagulls and the happy people up on the pier playing with each other. I tried to just focus on the waves, but one kid nearby was crying loudly about something being unfair. I knew what he meant, even if it wasn't for the same reason. I grabbed my bear and book and made my way back to Renee who was completely oblivious to where I had been. She told me to go shake the sand off my clothes and then help her pack up for the day. She made more money when I wasn't around distracting potential customers with her laxity towards my needs.

My childhood, with the exception of the times I was with Charlie, was filled with the beach, the pier and books. I made friends eventually, but a majority of my early childhood was alone, listening to the sounds of waves crashing, games being played on the pier and dreams of living on a small tropical island in the middle of nowhere. I'd have all the ice cream I'd want and books to read and I'd get to decide if people could play on my beach. Childish dreams, but then again I'm aware enough to know those dreams shape our future lives.

Edward, Charlie and I are sitting around the table eating the dinner I just made. Edward is fidgety under Charlie's stare. Charlie is stabbing his dinner and stuffing it into his mouth, refusing to take his eyes off Edward. I'd like to think this is an intimidation game he's playing, but I'm beginning to wonder if Charlie is actually trying to make Edward's head explode with the power of his mind. Eventually, I just get fed up and kick Charlie's leg under the table. I thought I was being circumspect, but yeah, backfired. Charlie jumps in his seat and hits his elbow in the side of the table. I wince as he turns his mind-exploding glare in my direction. I mouth "sorry" at him and offer a shrug in compensation for his pain.

I am waiting for the interrogation to begin now, but it turns in my direction instead. Mother-fucker.

"So Bella, when did Edward become your boyfriend?"

I blink my eyes and intelligently respond, "Huh?"

"Boyfriend. When did you two decide you were a couple?"

"Ummm, yesterday?"

I shift my eyes and look at Edward and he's stuck between eating and fidgeting and grinning that the focus is on me and not him. I squint my eyes at him and decide its time to feed his smug ass to the sharks.

"It was right after Edward decided to suck my face off." I wanted to mention the watching shit from the summer, but that seemed almost too cruel. I knew that would upset Charlie and bring out the cop in him. The thought of someone spying on his daughter would set him off and Edward would be in some serious shit. At least with just the face-sucking, he could play the father role instead.

Charlie's head whipped around and glared at Edward again. Edward has turned a bright red and I imagine he's looking for escape routes.

"Edward, had you taken my daughter out on a date before kissing her?"

"Errr, no Chief Swan. We, uh, we didn't have a chance yet."

"Had you asked her on a date?"

"Uh, no sir."

Edward has already put his fork down and he's gripping his napkin with white knuckles. Charlie has returned to stabbing his dinner and I'm wondering where he is going with this line of questioning.

"I'm trying to make sense of all this and neither of you are being helpful. Why did you think it would be okay to kiss her without showing her you were interested in more? Do you think my daughter is easy?"

Edward sputters and shakes his head violently. I'm rather mortified that my father referred to me as easy. Yeah, things you don't want to hear at the dinner table.

"So Edward, answer me. Why did you kiss my daughter?"

Edward has now turned a deep red and I'm scared he's going to have a heart attack or run out of here, jump in his car and hit a tree while trying to escape. I'm about to try reigning Charlie in when Edward puts his foot in his mouth.

"Well she just wouldn't shut up, sir."

My fork drops and clangs on my plate and the room is silent. Charlie is using the single raised eyebrow I admit I learned from him. Its cool looking. Charlie simple says, "Explain."

Edward proceeds to babble about how he kept wanting to ask me out, but I'd keep running away from him and when he finally corners me I won't stop and listen to him. Charlie nods his head and returns to his dinner. I can't eat anymore because I'm too mortified between Edward's explanation and the early reference to my being easy. Edward doesn't look red anymore. He looks kinda greenish and pale, well paler, than usual. I take pity on him and get him a glass of water. He gives me a small smile after he takes a sip and says a soft thanks.

The table is uneasily silent and finally Charlie finishes, cleans off his part of the table and thanks me for dinner. He exits the room and leaves Edward and I staring at each other. My plan has backfired, but I don't really know what kind of damage it has caused. My mind is racing, I expect Edward to run away from me now and its making me sad. I'm surprised when he reaches over, takes my hand and gives it a soft squeeze. I don't know why he keeps being nice to me. I'm such a fucking bitch. Before I can thank him for putting up with my bipolar ass, he gets up and helps me clean the rest of the table. I know I should keep my mouth shut since I can't stop it from saying crazy shit, so we clean up in silence.

I'm back in front of the sink washing the dishes while he dries, when he finally breaks the silence.

"Was all that really necessary?"

I shake my head. "No."

"Did you enjoy it?"

I frown and reply, "No."

"You know when I introduce you to my parents, I have the right to do the same to you now."

I blush and nod in response. At first I thought one word answers would be best, but now I'm speechless. After tonight, I was sure he'd politely tell me to fuck off. He wants me to meet his parents? And I'm fucking blushing again.

We've finished cleaning up and he pulls me into a hug before walking towards the living room to collect his things. I sigh softly as I realize I don't want him to leave yet. Charlie keeps staring at the TV while Edward packs up his homework. He's polite and thanks Charlie for having him over for dinner. It's at that point I notice Charlie's mustache twitching. It looks like a ferret skipping across his lip. I grab Edward's hand and drag him away before more damage can be done.

It's when we reach the entry hall that we hear Charlie call out from the living room, "Edward? I hope you plan to repay my daughter for her delicious dinner by taking her out for ice cream."

Edward's eyes dart to mine and to the doorway we just exited and back again to me and back to the door before replying, "Uh, yes sir. That is if she'd like to go with me."

We hear Charlie's voice echo over the sound of the TV and say, "Then ask her. Just have her back by ten or we'll be discussing in further detail the laws involved in sexually attacking a minor, okay?"

My face turns bright red and I slam my head into the entry's wall. Edward's eyes widen and he quickly stammers out another "yes sir." I bang my head into the wall again and Edward quickly pulls me away from the plaster before I damage it. I tuck my head into Edward's chest and imagine my pier and the ocean waves. I try to slip away to my happy place, but Edward's soft voice breaks through my vision.

"We did this all backwards so far, didn't we? I swear I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing and your father almost made me piss myself and I lose all form of verbal filter around you, but I can't help it. He's right you know, I should have just manned up and asked you on a date already. I didn't mean to be so, gah, disrespectful? I don't think you're easy Bella, I swear."

I nuzzle my head further into his chest and nod. I'm apparently still speechless.

He continues to hug and hold me close and then with a deep sigh says, "All I'd like to do is to spend some more time with you, but not in this house. Your cat is evil and your father owns a gun. So will you join me for some ice cream at the diner?"

I look up from his chest and I notice he's actually worried I'll say no. After the trauma I inflicted on him, the least I can do is go on a date with him. Wait, this is a date right? Oh shit. Apparently my brain to mouth filter is on the fritz because I said that out loud.

Edward smiles at me and nods. He whispers into my ear, "Please go on a date with me?"

I smile a bashful smile at him and whisper back, "yes" before helping him gather his things. We walk out of the house, thankful to escape in one piece, and walk to the Volvo. It's shiny and bright in the moon light and I don't hate it quite as much as I did before. Edward opens the passenger door for me and I feel like this is some surreal dream. I feel a brief sense of anxiety as I fervently pray I won't wake up from this. I want this more than I thought and that scares me.

Edward slips into the driver's seat, grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze as we make our way towards the diner. I keep reciting in my head that I'm going to be sharing ice cream with Edward. It makes me involuntarily smile and I continue to hope this first date isn't really going to fucking suck.


	13. Chapter 13 Cake

I don't own Twilight, but you probably already knew that. If intent on suing me for any form of copyright, know that all you'll receive in the end is an overweight cat named Gizmo. If you're going to review, be kind or constructive. Those that flame will surely go to Hell and be forced to watch rick-roll Youtube videos for eternity. I suppose if that's your thing, flame away. Who am I to judge?

**If you haven't noticed my updated profile page, Creepy Looks and Cafeteria Food was nominated for 5 Sunflower Awards. If you were the person that nominated me, please let me know so I can thank you directly. If you wish to support this story, please consider casting your vote. Voting is open from May 4th to May 25th. Winners will be announced June 4th. The link to the site and the categories the story was nominated for are on my profile page. I don't like the whole bribing for reviews/votes thing people do, but I'm feeling a tad hypocritical so I'll just say for each award won, I'll post an outtake. **

As promised here is the outtake and its in my own little quirky format. I plan on taking summer courses this summer so if they go well, I'll probably throw another outtake in here sometime in August. I don't want to stuff this story with them, but if you only see Bella's PoV, you only see her sarcastic, warped perception of things. Enjoy :)

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Chapter 13 – Outtake: Alice

So I was just snooping through your shit while you were out eating ice cream with Mr. Hotstuff and discovered this thing. You keep a diary? Since the fuck when? I thought about calling you out on it, but this feels oh so much more poetic. Besides if anyone else actually reads this crap, they should know some important things about you. But, first lets clear up a few things about me.

One: I do not 'commune' with Snowball, bitch. I celebrate the wonder that is his felineness. Okay so felineness is not a fucking word Ms. Grammarnazi, but it serves it purpose so back off. What I do is remind him how wonderful he is. In a world full of hypocritical assholes and gropey mother-fuckers, he acts true to himself and his nature. He's a cat. His race somehow tricked us into feeding, petting and cleaning up their shit and we think we have the better part of the bargain when they purr. How fucking brilliant is that? Think on that next time you clean up his hairball.

Two: I am not fucking scary, I just don't play up to other's beliefs just because they tell me or expect me to. So what if I wear my combat boots and wield a wicked blowtorch? BTW, I notice you didn't mention anything recently on the fucktaculistic sculpture I've almost completed. It's all about the rape of purity you know? Whats more pure than a unicorn and impure than replacing its horn with a dildo? I know Ms. Daniels doesn't get it and certainly doesn't see it, but I thought you would given that rocket you keep in your night table drawer. How does Charlie not hear that thing across the hall at night?

Three: How dense can you possibly be about Mr. Hotstuff? Seriously? I told you more than once he was interested, but oh no, you have to act all fucking insecure and shit. I get it, mommy dearest was a nut-job and deprived you of stabilizing force of the awesome Chief and of course, me, but seriously get over it. We've worked too hard together over the years for you to let a bunch of bitches knock you down when you step in and claim the shit they want. You drive me fucking insane with this shit, but you know I got your back, even if you fucking boggart the fucking cupcakes.

Four: I don't have anything else at the moment, but I reserve this space for future fixing of fuckery.

Hey I just alliterated, does that mean you'll suck my face off in the kitchen too? BTW, I snuck a look at your laptop's bookmarks of fanfiction. Damn girl, I thought you were reading fucking "Wuthering Heights" again or some shit. No way with the massive list of PORN you got hiding on there. At least I know to buy you batteries for the holidays this year. PORN PORN PORN PORN PORN PORN. Your journal needs more porn in it. If you ever publish this on that site, you know you'll get thousands of reviews if you include smut. They'll read it even if its shit cause it has PORN in it. Oh and apparently BDSM. And you think I'm scary? Since when do you read about whips and paddles and shit?

Okay so now its about you. I notice you skipped over your birthday celebration this year. In case anyone else reads this, her birthday is September 13th, 1993. She fucking hates celebrating it ever since no one showed up to her 8th birthday party. Renee is one fucking piece of work, let me tell you. See this is what happened: a fucking Grateful Dead tribute group was playing the day before the party and so Renee completely forgot to mail out the invites in her excited state. THEY WERE NOT BLOWING YOU OFF! Even Renee realized she fucked up when no one showed up. Fucking mental bitch went nuts and it wasn't even over the real band. RIP Jerry Garcia.

So this year instead of celebrating it on her birthday since it was midweek and she was playing, as she so eloquently put it, _Mission Impossible_ (Do you seriously have no idea how fucking nuts you looked? Bella, what the fuck?), I dragged her ass out at the butt-crack of dawn on Sunday, September 19th. I think Charlie underestimated me when I asked him to take her up to Port Angeles for the day. You'd think my outfit would have been a dead giveaway, but then again Charlie is all kinds of fucking cool. Must be that karmic balance to counter Renee's shit.

In any case, I woke her ass up, stuffed her in a wench outfit and drove her up to her favorite restaurant, Bella Italia. I pulled out two lawn chairs from the trunk and waited for Giovanni, the owner's son, to show up. Let me tell you, that guy is all kinds of fucking sexy. Mmmmm, great ass. And you wondered where I learned to use a fucking condom... there ya go. When Giovanni got there, we pulled out the pre-arranged table and barrels of ale (chill people, it was fucking ginger ale) and set up our own "Talk-Like-a-Pirate Day" celebration table. As passersby saw us they'd either bust out laughing, walk away quickly or join us in toasting her birthday in true pirate form. Many Arrghhhs! and Avast Mateys! were shouted as we tried to sing bawdy pirate songs in a PG rated format (It was Mr. Russo's, Giovanni's dad, only requirement. He even joined us for awhile after the lunch rush.)

We spent the majority of the day sucking down 'ale' with hundreds of random people, eating some of Giovanni's father's bruschetta and mushroom ravioli for lunch, and having at least thirty people stand around and sing happy birthday as she blew out her cake. It was in the shape of a cat with a pirate hat on it. It took me forever to find a bakery that would do it for me and it didn't occur to me to ask Mom for help until a week before. So my mom's a baker, big fucking deal, anyone could forget. Besides, you do NOT want to know what I had to agree to do to get her to make the cake. All I'll say is no matter how hard she and Dad try, I will NOT be coming back to the 'fold.'

I cleaned up the supplies when it started to get late, dragged her ass back home later, and kept the remainder of the cake for myself because I'm a bitch that way (I had to go to fucking church people, DO NOT JUDGE ME). Yeah she was embarrassed at first when she realized what I had planned, but I haven't seen her laugh that hard in a long ass time so don't listen when she bitches and moans when she finds out I wrote this and responds to this shit.

In any case, if anyone actually reads this shit other than Ms. Whinesalot, make sure you yell out your favorite pirate phrase at her. She needs reminders sometimes that she isn't as fucked up as she thinks she is. Now I gotta go stuff this thing back under her mattress where I found it before she gets home. It cost me some quality laser pointer time, but its all good. Somehow I think her response will be SO much better than an hour of Snowball chasing a red dot. Okay, maybe not quite as much as all that, but enough.

Later Bitch!


	14. Chapter 14 French Fries

I don't own Twilight, but you probably already knew that. If intent on suing me for any form of copyright, know that all you'll receive in the end is an overweight cat named Gizmo. If you're going to review, be kind or constructive. Those that flame will surely go to Hell and be forced to watch rick-roll Youtube videos for eternity. I suppose if that's your thing, flame away. Who am I to judge?

**If you haven't noticed my updated profile page, Creepy Looks and Cafeteria Food was nominated for 5 Sunflower Awards. If you were the person that nominated me, please let me know so I can thank you directly. If you wish to support this story, please consider casting your vote. Voting is open from May 4th to May 25th. Winners will be announced June 4th. The link to the site and the categories the story was nominated for are on my profile page. I don't like the whole bribing for reviews/votes thing people do, but I'm feeling a tad hypocritical so I'll just say for each award won, I'll post an outtake. **

I'm glad so many of you enjoyed the outtake. Alice may be nuts, but she's a good friend. Y'all seem to like Charlie a lot, too. I imagine he's the kind of father most girls wish they had. In any case, I hope you enjoy this chapter and if you've been reading, but holding back on reviewing, please don't. It would be cool to get over a 100 reviews by my posting next week. Have a great weekend guys! :)

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Chapter 14

Alice is a mother-fucking bitch. I don't know how the fuck she found this, but she's gonna pay. Time to go visit Mrs Brandon while Alice is at her art class up in Port Angeles and dig out the Cabbage Patch Kids she still hides in the back of her closet. She wants embarrassing? I'll give her embarrassing. Bitch.

Yes, it was cool she did all that for me for my birthday this year and yes, I get where she's coming from, but Jesus-f'n-Christ she didn't have to go on and on about self-esteem shit. I know myself, I know what my weaknesses are, so back the fuck off. And its MY fucking journal, NOT DIARY BITCH, so I can say whatever the fuck I want in it. If I want to speak to imaginary leprechauns in this, I will. Although if I start hearing someone sing about Frosted Lucky Charms, I may take a break. Just saying.

So I just got home from the date with Edward and I can't keep a goofy smile off my face. I refuse to become one of those simpering little annoying bitches that revolves their entire life around a guy, or girl cause hey, whatever floats your boat, ya know? It's why I'm so frustrated with this situation with him. I like my emotional detachment from the bleating sheep of Forks High. I like not getting sucked into drama and cat-fights and wondering if I need to go shopping for new clothes because I want to look pretty for my boyfriend and shit, you get the idea. But I find myself enjoying the time with him despite my protests and I'm finding it harder to fight this shit. I don't know what the fuck to do and my best friend, who I'd be calling to vent to or ask for advice from, was a fucking bitch who invaded my privacy and played with my cat while I was out. I could ask Charlie, but that would be all kinds of awkward and I know better than to ask Renee. I could call one of my friends from California, but that would be all kinds of awkward. "Hi! You haven't heard from me in fucking I don't know how long, but do you want to listen to my pathetic love life?" I've only kept up with Jasper, and even then, it's primarily in e-mail. Blech.

One of the popular hangouts is Sully's. The food is decent, its cheap and they make awesome milk shakes. Edward drives us over there and although I'm nervous, I'm looking forward to sucking down some chocolate shake. When we park, he gives my hand another soft squeeze and tells me to sit there while he runs around the car and escorts me out. It's sweet and I can't help giving him a bashful smile as we walk inside together to place our order.

We see some of the other kids from school milling about, but we don't do more than nod our heads at some of the more friendly ones. Edward is still getting questioning looks and I'm still getting glares and all I want is to grab our food and sit together, alone, in the car. When we go to place our order, I tell Edward what I'd like, but I'm a bit surprised at Edward's order.

"One large order of fries, one large chocolate shake, and a large Coke to go please."

I squint my eyes and cock my head at his lack of ice cream ordering. Maybe he wants to do the whole share the ice cream together thing. Romantic, but not exactly conducive with eating in a car. Maybe he's gonna make us sit in this uncomfortable fucking place while people gawk at us while we eat. Yeah, gonna squash that one fast.

A few minutes later we're carrying our food outside to a couple of tables setup along the side of the building. It's not the car, but it's not inside so it's all good to me. I take a tentative sip of my shake as I watch Edward pour ketchup on his fries. The boy likes ketchup. A lot. He's covered them in ketchup and I picture the fries crying out for help, for someone to save them from their bloody drowning. I take another sip of my shake before I bite the bullet and ask him why we're on an ice cream date and I'm the only one with ice cream.

"So, Edward."

"So, Bella?" His eyebrow perks up as he drops a bloody fry into his mouth. I am captivated by the death of the fry briefly. Or rather, his mouth chewing and his lips stained redder than usual. I want to lick his lips and then I want to smack myself for my fangirl moment.

I offer him my shake and ask, "Would you like some of my shake?"

He shakes his head and says, "No thanks. I'm good with what I got."

I twist my mouth up in a little frown, take my shake back and take a big ass suck from the straw. I'm a little hurt he won't share with me. It's immature and all, but I wonder if he only asked me here because Charlie told him too. I sulk some more as I continue to suck down this yummy, calorie-loaded chocolatey goodness. I continue in this pattern until I hear a small whimper. My eyes lift up and I see Edward eyeballing me as I suck viciously on the straw. His lips are slightly apart, his fingers gripping the side of the table and his eyes focused entirely on my lips wrapped around the straw. I separate myself from my desert and lean back, Edward's eyes still planted on where my lips just were.

I clear my throat and ask softly, "You sure you don't want some of my shake, Edward?"

His eyes pop up to mine and he stares at me intensely, before he quickly wipes his hands on some napkins and then leans in to kiss me. Its similar to the classroom make out session we had recently. Its all lips and teeth and hands and moans and breathlessness. I plant my fingers in his hair and tug firmly and he practically growls as his lips move from mine to suck on my neck. I whimper as his lips explore and although I want to enjoy this intensity, sitting in a dirty parking lot on a school night while people are walking by isn't the place.

Edward is still kissing my neck and nibbling on my ear and I begin to massage his scalp when I ask, "Edward, why didn't you want some of my shake?"

Yeah, I'm neurotic. Deal.

He pauses in his lips' exploration of me and in a rough voice says, "I'm lactose intolerant, Bella. I don't think me being gassy would make a fun date experience."

My mouth opens in shock and I say, "Oh." as he continues, albeit far less fervently, to kiss my throat. I want to enjoy this, but I'm aware we are starting to draw attention to ourselves, well more so than before, and I don't want anyone but Edward privy to my moans. I tug his hair again to pull his head back from my skin, give him a soft kiss on the lips and then nudge him towards his fries. He grins at me while shaking his head and then digs into the bloody, ketchupy massacre in front of him.

I can't help but giggle as he scarfs them down. He looks like a little boy and for a moment I'm sad that I grew up in California and not up here with Charlie. I might have got to know Edward better and all this confusion wouldn't have been an issue. He wouldn't have been so nervous about asking me out maybe, then again he may have hated my guts. I can't really guess and wallowing in the past won't change it and all that shit. But I have a suspicion I'll be dreaming about Edward as a child tonight.

Edward continues to dig into his fries and my imagination runs away with me. I laugh out loud and it draws his attention back to me. He mouths 'what' at me, his lips covered in ketchup. I just shake my head and continue to laugh. He shrugs and finishes off his fries, licking his fingers clean. I'm still snickering at him as he leans into me and gives me a soft kiss again. He tastes of fries and ketchup and salt. I suck on his lower lip a little and he sucks on my top. We pull away, smiling goofily at each other.

"I'm glad you ordered that shake. I don't get to have chocolate ice cream nearly as much as I'd like to. You tasted so good just now."

Cue the blushing.

"Yeah, well you tasted all salty and ketchupy and dear God you looked like a vampire. Those poor fries. They never stood a chance."

He blushes. Aren't we adorable? He shrugs and plays with my fingers as I take a small sip of my shake.

"Bella?"

I dart my eyes up at him as I continue to drink my shake.

"Bella, if you continue to molest that straw like that, I will not be held accountable for my actions."

I quirk my eyebrow up at him and begin to be overly suggestive with my drink. Its the cupcake fiasco all over again and judging by his reaction earlier to my vigorous sucking on the straw, its a massive turn-on for him. I hear a low growl from him and see him dodging forward to grab me, so I jump up from the table and run away, grinning.

I don't think he expected that since he looks at me in shock, but I see him get up and start stalking towards me. So naturally I do the dumb thing and take a giant drink of my shake. The cup is almost empty, so I am making the most of my remaining time with it. Edward is almost too me when I let out a yelp and dart away from him and towards the tree line nearby.

"You shall not get my shake! Mine!"

He grins and chases after me, trying to grab me, but I keep ducking around the trees and taking giant sips of my shake. He finally grabs me as I run the wrong way and bear hugs me around my waist and lifts me up. I shout and refuse to drop my shake and wiggle in his arms wildly. He pins me to the side of a large tree and before he can stop me I suck down the last of the shake in a mighty slurp. He stares at me hungrily and I know he's about to kiss me, but all of a sudden I scream out in pain. Fucking brain freeze. Yeah, I'm a fucking idiot.

Edward is shocked and scared at my reaction. His hands are roaming across my face and body looking for damage, while I whimper. He's begging me to tell him whats wrong and I can't for a moment. When I finally whimper out brain freeze, he looks at me like I'm fucking nuts. I want to tell him "No shit, Sherlock" but the sharp dagger pains behind the eyes hurt too much to be sarcastic. He rolls his eyes at me and then massages my neck gently as he cuddles me against his body. I rest my head against his chest and close my eyes as he rocks us back and forth. Its soothing and the pain is receding. I wrap my arms around his chest and enjoy the closeness.

He nuzzles against my head and whispers, "You okay, baby?"

I freeze at his question. Not because I'm in pain, but that he's using an endearment towards me. Especially that one. It's a weakness for me ever since I first started reading fanfics. I can't help but want to hear someone refer to me so affectionately. It's exciting and scary to hear it for the first time and so I tighten my arms around him and nod my head into his chest.

"You sure? I probably have some ibuprofen in the glove compartment if you want."

I look up and smile at him. "Yeah, I'm okay. Brain freeze just sucks, you know?"

He grins at me and nods. "Yeah, I know."

We stand there for a few minutes more holding each other and then we separate. I miss the warmth of his body as I become more aware of the colder weather setting in. I shiver slightly and he wraps his arm around my shoulder holding me close as we walk back to our table. Most of our fellow students have left and I'm indifferent to the remaining ones at the moment. We clean up our mess and toss it in the trash, as Edward walks me to the car. It's nine-thirty and I have to be home in a half-hour.

We drive slowly towards my house. I'm sad this date is ending. It was certainly a strange first date. Short of finding out about his lactose intolerance and his love for ketchup, I don't think we learned much about each other. I'll have to remedy that. I'm enjoying the physical, but if I'm gonna make a real go at this with him, I need to know more.

He parks the car a couple houses down from mine. He escorts me out of the car and then holds me against the side, cuddling similar to what we did earlier. I smile and rest my head against his chest.

"I know it wasn't a typical first date, but I really did have fun tonight, Bella."

I giggle and nod. "Yeah, me too. Thanks for ice cream."

"Anytime, baby."

I smile and nuzzle my head into his chest. I could get used to the endearment. He takes my hand and walks me down the block to my front door. I can tell he's nervous the closer we get to it, but I'm not sure if its because he has to leave me, because Charlie is waiting inside, or because Snowball is glaring at him from the window. I squeeze his hand and drag his shuffling ass up the porch stairs.

I lean up and give him a soft kiss on his mouth. He still tastes salty and delicious. Apparently so do I, because he's about to go diving in for a full make-out when we hear Snowball yowl from the nearby window. Fucking cock-blocking cat. It's now Human 2, Cat 1.

"I really fucking hate your cat."

"You and me both right now." I groan and then walk the rest of the way towards the door.

"When will you get your car back? Do you need a lift tomorrow?"

I smile at his sweetness and nod my head. "Yeah, Rose won't have it fixed until the weekend. She's a bit backed up at the moment. One of her guys quit recently and its hard to find experienced and skilled mechanics around here."

Edward nods his head and says, "Okay, I'll pick you up about ten to eight."

I nod my head and say, "Okay, thanks. Good night Edward and thanks again for the shake. It was so delicious."

His eyes get intense and I smirk at his reaction. He shakes his head and grins at me.

"That was evil. I'll get you back for that tomorrow, baby, don't you doubt it."

"Uh huh, go home and sleep, Edward."

"Oh I will, and I'll enjoy all the naughty dreams I'll have about you tonight."

My eyes bug out and I fish-mouth. Did he seriously just say that? I can't stop gaping until I see him smirking back at me. Mother-fucker.

"Oh, you are so gonna fucking pay for that Cullen! Just you wait!"

He just smirks at me and says, "I can't wait." as he walks quickly down the porch stairs and down the block to his car. I stand there for a moment, then shake my head and walk inside. Charlie is sitting in his recliner watching sports highlights. He turns and looks at me and waves me over to join him on the couch. I plop down and watch the show wrap up as Snowball curls up next to me, headbutting me. I don't want to pet the little cock-blocking fucker, but he's too cute and he knows it so I pet his fuzzy ass.

Charlie shuts off the television and looks at me before asking, "So. Good time?"

I nod my head and say, "Yeah. We went to Sully's instead of the diner."

He nods his head. "He treat you right?"

I smile. "I'm not sure what's right and what's wrong, but we had a fun time. We ate and talked a bit and then he drove me home. And don't worry, Dad. No virginity was lost in the partaking of said date."

Charlie rolls his eyes and huffs as he gets out of his recliner. "Good to know, but over-share, Bella. Massive over-share."

I grin at him and say, "Yup."

He mutters about sadistic children while he makes his way upstairs. I'm about to follow behind him when he shouts down the steps, "Oh, by the way, Alice stopped by while you were out. She stayed for a bit and hung out in your room with Snowball. She left about forty minutes ago."

"Okay, thanks. Night Dad."

"Night Bella."

I shut off the remaining lights, lock the front door and head to my room. I am riding a sugar high and an Edward high until I notice my journal is not in the same spot it usually is. I frown and examine it. It looks fine, but I wonder. Charlie respects my privacy, but he is a dad and a cop. He might have gone snooping after the big Edward-reveal earlier. Oh fuck, if he did read this I'm in some seriously deep shit.

I quickly skim the journal and look for any indications of bent pages. Things seem fine until I get to the last written page and notice its not my handwriting. It's in purple ink and the chicken scratch is in Alice's fucking writing. That mother-fucking, bitch! I seethe for a moment until I read her entry. It's sweet and annoying and completely Alice. I sigh and stuff the book under my mattress. I'll find a new hiding spot tomorrow. Now that she knows about this, she'll be looking to spy on my personal shit again.

I curl up under my covers and snuggle Snowball a bit. Tonight was all kinds of fucking awkward, but fun. I smile as I remember his reactions to my own brand of crazy. I wonder what I can do to set him off tomorrow at school, but then I remember he's already plotting to do the same to me and if it's anywhere near as bad as what I'm planing, then it's really going to fucking suck.


	15. Author's Note  Slurpee

Sorry for the author's note, but I've decided to put this on hiatus for now. My computer went bellyup a month or so back and by the time I replaced it, I kinda lost my drive to write. The hard drive was recoverable so I didn't lose anything important data wise, just the motivation to keep going at the moment. I'd like to give an estimate as to how long I'll sit on this, but honestly I can't. Only thing I can say is I will without a doubt finish it, because I hate when writers start writing something, I get sucked into the story and then for some reason or another they disappear leaving the work incomplete.

For now, I have a fairly massive collection of stories on my favorites with a majority of them that, in my opinion, don't suck. I forget to remove some of the less, uh... competent ones sometimes, but otherwise they are each well written and enjoyable. Please peruse through and feel free to drop a message suggesting stories to add to the list or to just bitch at me for being lazy. Well, maybe not the bitching part, but meh, as I always say, whatever floats your boat. And since its officially 7/11, I felt it only appropriate to keep with the food titles. Total coincidence.

Prendersi cura, per ora!

~Z


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